Let it begin with me...

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me....

From the United States of America....to its people and to the People of the world. Merry Christmas!

The Day After.....

December 26th. The day AFTER Christmas. Things change as you age and I have to tell you this.

THIS IS FREAKIN' GREAT!!!

No. Really. The day after Christmas when you are my age is actually great. I sat here this morning, looking at my Christmas tree and just enjoying the quiet and peace of the morning.

Not saying that when I had kids in the house it wasn't great, I am just saying that I love my life. Just the way that it is. Life is simply a bunch of seasons of activities and I am enjoying each stage. Even if you have to do that thing called "WORK". But I had to do that when I had kids too, so it really isn't a big deal. Especially when you really enjoy what you are doing for earning your bucks.

Today was my travel day to another city to see clients. Truly enjoy the drive, but today was wet and rainy and there were accidents on the roads. Most of them from idiot California drivers. I know, I know. I sound awful, but for the love of Pete's Dragon, slow the heck down! Especially if you are on a road that is not familiar AND it is raining. Raining HARD.

I enjoy traveling to other cities because the fact is, my little home town has no shopping to speak of. We have a WalMart. And we have a Maurices and a Big Lots. Whoppie! As I had a couple of clients cancel today (because after all it IS the day after Christmas), I spent a few happy hours perusing through one of my favorite stores, 'Tuesday Morning'. Really, really, REALLY like that store! Maybe because the inventory changes, but is always interesting and charming. If you can keep me out of the stationary section, I could probably finance my way to Tahiti. A couple of times. I don't know why I love cards and papers and journals so, but I do!  But today I went with a mission. Christmas ornaments would be 50% off and they have such lovely and unique choices. Usually Czech hand blown ornaments and lovely glass baubles that are dripping with swarovski crystals that sparkle like crazy when lights hit them.

You will be glad to know, I held myself to only purchasing TWO. One pale gold with crystals and bugle beads that form tiny stars and cover the surface and the other a lovely mercury glass silver embellished with pearls and crystals. I really love them both! AND I got a pink, velvet pillow with ivory braid that is beaded and embellished with rhinestones that says, "Merry & Bright. 

Love, love, LOVE it! Exactly matches my antique pink brocade sofa. And the best part? The entire haul cost a grand total of $15.71, with tax of course.

Such lovely items make shopping so much fun. I am already dreaming of next Christmas decorating season! 2020, I hope to be able to start collecting lights and do an actual light display. Thinking on a Disney theme....probably from Frozen because there is so much you can do with crystal and blue and purple.

Uuummmmmm......yeah. I shall think on that one. 

Sweet creativity. Or is that just being bored?

This year, I decided to hand make gifts. Mostly because with hay the price it is these days and seven horses, money isn't exactly thick on the ground. That and because I have an entire room full of unused material and crafting paraphernalia that has been sitting there for years just waiting for me to use it.

I find it a lot easier to sit and look at YouTube or Pinterest and oooooohhhh and aaaawwwww at collecting ideas rather than actually getting off my duff and DOING those ideas. That stopped this Christmas.

So aaaallll my girlfriends got Christmas decorations in the form of Gnomes. Yeah. I'll bet they are thrilled. But at least my crafting supplies have a tiny, little dent in them now.

I only took pictures of TWO that I made. Don't know why I didn't take more pictures because I made like SEVEN of these little creatures. But if you've seen one gnome, you've seen them all. Or at least...well....you know what I mean.

I made a couple of them without signs and put little bundles of fire wood or other cute little things in their hands. I did this while watching Avatar for the 700th time. I really LOVE my Disney+! And if I have a movie on I have seen a gazillion times, I don't actually have to watch it because listening to the dialogue, I know exactly what is happening on screen. Very convenient.

Anyways. That is it for my creativity this year. Now on to the next year, where I will again make some really cool resolutions that I will never follow through on.

I really like the age I am. I really like living alone. Because no one can tell me what to do and it really doesn't matter if I don't wear make up or color my hair. I am old. And I can do what I want. Like make silly gnomes and give them away.

Merry Christmas.

Christmas Eve 2019

Sooooooo.........it is Christmas eve. I haven't posted anything for a while now. Life again gets busy and I have managed to catch every single illness coming home with these kiddos I am working with. Right now, I am so stuffy I can hardly breathe and am living on Alka Seltzer Cold and Flu.

Ick.

But it is still the eve of His birth. Or at least the day we celebrate His birth. Just random thoughts tonight. But He isn't a baby in a manger any longer. He isn't a dead man in a grave. He was born, grew up while living a sinless life. He was crucified, died on that cross, was buried in a rich mans' tomb. And on that 3rd day, He defeated death and Hades and sin and rose to live again.

He did that for YOU. Don't wait. Time is short. It will not be long before Jesus calls His true church home and then? Shits gonna hit the fan. Shits gonna get REAL real fast.

I don't want that for you. Please. Listen to Him calling your name. Trust in Him. Give Him your life and He will give life to you.

Your choice.

Life is crazy and sad. Just crazy and sad...

It is to be expected that when you are a caretaker of animals others have abandoned or don't want, you are going to experience a lot of loss in your lifetime. I think I knew that when I started, but being prepared for it mentally, emotionally and spiritually was something I did not think about. And let's not even begin to count the financial part of this equation.

Max is going down hill faster than I want to see. I mean, he is still the happy boy, but the between times are so difficult. Today, he fell off the back porch. This isn't the first time he has done this, but this time I saw it happen and was too far away to KEEP it from happening. And like the calm and stoic Maximoose he is, he took it in stride and didn't complain in the least.

The back porch is approximately 2 and 1/2 feet off the ground, so it is no easy fall for anyone, but an older dog, I KNOW it had to hurt. I ran to his side and checked him out for injuries, even as he was sitting there with that confused look on his face. No apparent injuries that could be seen, and I helped him to his feet. He followed me around all the time I was outside.

The dogs have their own room on the back of the house. Sort of a catch all mud room with lots of kennels and doggy beds. Max can't come into the house anymore because his sphincter muscles don't work as they used to and he drops poops when he walks. Even so, the room is heated and cooled and comfortable for those who have to wear fur coats year round. But I know he misses being inside. Lizzie stays out there with him at night, while Miss Scarlett and Buddy come in with me.

I know I have said this before, but I HATE death. I do. I know it is part of life and I know where you go when you leave this earth, but that does not make it easier for those left behind to grieve.

I take heart in the fact that the Bible tells us "not to grieve as those who have no hope" and I understand that those I have lost in death, I will see again. It is that before they leave time that is so devastating to me. I just wish I had the means, both financially and magically to make all of that go away and never happen at all.

It will soon be time to say goodbye to my sweet Maximoose. It isn't time yet, but the time is close and getting closer each day. I can see the difference in his physical condition. As for pain, I don't see the signs of it, other than when he does have a fall and I assist him, he sticks close to me for the rest of the day. But his eyes do not tell me that he hopes for release yet. I have seen that look too many times before in other animals eyes to mistake it. I will know when it is time. I hate that. I hate that for such sweet and loving souls, these guys have to hurt in any way, shape or form. He has been a pain in the ass and a blessing to my life in ways you cannot even imagine.

I am laughing now as I remember when I first got him and because he LOVED to go walk-about, I had to keep him inside that first week until I got the fences fixed so he wouldn't disappear. I came home from work, walked the dogs outside to do their business and when we all came back in, I began unloading the groceries. I brought in the paper products first and when I got back with another load of stuff, (just a minute or 2 at the most), there was toilet paper strung from one end of the living room all the way down the hallway. What. The. Heck?!?!

Or trying to keep Max contained in the dog area that was then the laundry room and the kitchen area. How many different configurations did I try with furniture, dog gates, kid gates, boxes and lumber to no avail?

What about the time I was making the final move from Colorado to Arizona and 5 days before we were to leave, Maximoose and Rhett went walk-about and only Rhett came back? How scary was that? I called every vet in town, called the Humane Society, the dog pound, the police station....EVERYONE I knew. I took Rhett and told him we were going to look for Max. Rhett took me straight to the highway and promptly sat down looking right and left, up and down that road. I knew then that someone had picked him up and we would likely never see him again. I was devastated! I called the vets and the Humane Society every day for any scrap of information I could get. But alas. No one had any to give me.

The day BEFORE we were to leave, who shows up on the front porch? Well wouldn't you know, it is Maximoose! With stickers and burrs in his coat, sore and raw paws, somehow he had made his way home to us again. I love that big mop of a dog. My heart will lose a large piece when he takes his leave to be with Rhett and the rest of my family.

But I will be left to finish my work here. In some ways I am glad that they will go first, so that I don't have to worry what will become of them. Or so says my mind. I wish someone would explain that to my heart.

In this horrid in-between time, I will carefully watch. Lavishly love. And never forgive myself for that which I will inevitably not be able to do.

I love you Maximoose.

Just about to LOSE it.

Had a pretty good day today. I mean, I made it through all the patients I had scheduled with only 2 cancelling, so all is good. Kids were great today, everyone doing well, I was happy and ate 7 layer bean dip and cheap tortilla chips on the way home. All in all a pretty good day.

Until I got on Facebook and started getting messages from an old SNF/Home Health patient I used to see.

This woman has been carrying on for the last few months about me coming to see her and I promised I would once I got back from Colorado. I got busy and didn't get over there. I missed answering a couple of her messages when things got so crazy here. So now she is freaking out. Sending me ultimatums with the words "FINE" in them.

I really don't like ultimatums. I also really don't like stress. And I REALLY don't like dealing with angry people. By the time I get home, feed all the animals, do whatever chores I have lined out to do that day, get inside and get cleaned up, eat something if I have enough energy to actually FIX something, I have pretty much had it.   Why is it so difficult to understand that I don't have a husband to do things for me? I don't have a family that does all my chores! I do those chores myself. I DO everything for me and my animals. I don't have help. I DO IT MYSELF. I am tired when I finally get done. I don't WANT to deal with anyone! I need to decompress.

All I want to do is sit and read a book. Or sit and watch a movie. Or even sit and veg on the computer, even Facebook. But that is difficult to do when you have someone who messages you with basic threats and pleadings and YES. I missed a couple of your messages and when you followed up with a threat...I just don't want to deal. I don't have anything to say that would make the situation better. I wasn't angry before, as a matter of fact, I was surprised when I got that message "forgiving me" for not answering the messages. This has escalated into something icky and I had no idea it was even going on. But now I am weary and getting irritated. Life is short. Cut the drama. LIVE your life and let me live mine. I am simply not that important that you need to see me whenever you want.

Bye Felicia.

Christmas 2019

I watched a gazillion videos on YouTube about "How to decorate a Christmas Tree". People changing colors and ornaments and Farmhouse this and Coastal that, different trees and buying things from Dollar Tree, buying things from Wal Mart and buying things from Hobby Lobby.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Hobby Lobby and shopping there is a delight, but these videos leave out a few important things. Individuality. And while there is a lot of creativity in these videos, they forget about continuity. Continuity and tradition. Namely YOUR traditions.

I got wrapped up in watching these and got a few things that I could use, but when I thought about changing colors or ornaments? That would be a Big. Fat. NO.

When I started collecting ornaments after those bad years where I lost everything, I chose colors that calmed and soothed and were my very favorites. I chose romantic story book ornaments, things that spoke to me of the dreams I had as a child because God knows, I needed to rethink the world into one I could live in and love. These things that I have collected are familiar but in the best sense of that word. There is nothing wrong with new and I add a couple of ornaments each year, usually showcase ornaments that speak to my heart, but I don't want to change from what I love and who I am.

So here is to all those who feel the need to change everything each season, to purchase more STUFF and to re-create your home and yourself.

I will continue my traditions with creative twists and a few well chosen treasures. Welcome to my world of "Elegant Whimsy".

Forever in heaven, forever in my heart.

The rain, sleet and snow has finally stopped. The sun is shining brightly and the mountains are covered with a beautiful snowy cap. The Music Mountains are especially lovely this morning, but like all snow in my part of the country, it will not last but a few days.

The seasons continue to roll and pass. Life goes on with steady monotony and magic.

Rizzo, my big Maine Coon cat, passed away in the early morning hours this day. I was sleeping. I didn't get to hold him while he left this world. I am glad he is no longer suffering, but I will forever regret not being able to be with him while he passed into Jesus's arms. Sometimes being an animal keeper stinks. This is one of those times.

God speed, Rizzo. I know you are with Beeker, Elmo, Grover, Kermit and Oscar. The original kitty boy gang is finally together again.

I will miss you until that day I reach the shores of Heaven, where I KNOW you will be waiting for me.

I love you.

Saying good bye

Sometimes I get frustrated. Lately it seems that frustration is a perpetual state for me and when I am frustrated, I tend to be introspective.

It is especially easy to be introspective when you live alone. Well when you don't live with other humans. My family now consists of a LOT of animals. Caretaker. I am a caretaker, an empath and an INFJ personality type.

I have recently done a lot of research into my personality, who I am, why I act the way I do and what circumstances led me to be who I am. Interesting stuff and one day, I may be able to write about it. But not today.

Having an animal family that depends on you and only you is a difficult task. I took this task on because I AM a caretaker and I hate like heck to see anyone or anything going through a hard time and left on their own. Normally, it is my pride and joy to have so many wonderful animals to love and to love me back. However, when you are changing jobs and building a clientele....well you can see where the frustration can kick in. It is only a matter of time before I shall be making more than what I did prior to this position, but that time is not today.

I was so frustrated the other day, I actually thought, "What in the heck am I doing with all of these animals?", and "Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't have so many?", silly thoughts like that. And then without warning WHAM! Maximoose really starts to fail to the point that I think it won't be long before I have to have him put down, Rizzo goes downhill fast in his battle with the big C, Koko Poco comes up lame to the point that it is effecting her appetite to an almost colic and I lose 2 of my little hens from I don't know what.

Serves me right for ever thinking those thoughts. I love my family and I pray and work hard every day so that they will stay healthy and that I will have the means to provide for them. My heart hurts right now. Oh I know that death is a part of life, none of us will ever get out of that fact, but I don't know how much my heart can take at one time. Being able to do nothing to save my babies from death makes me feel so helpless and so not in control of ANYTHING.

I hate death. I HATE death. And I SO look forward to the day that God has death and Hades and has them thrown into the lake of fire and they will be destroyed and be never more a bother for those of us who choose Jesus and Heaven.

It will be soon that I will have to say good bye to Rizzo. He is fading fast. I have him on pain meds and I am hoping that he will just go to sleep and wake up in Heaven with Rhett, Sebastion, Elmo and Oscar, Beeker and Grover and Thomas. I don't want to put him through what Elmo went through! So many of my loved ones are already there and it breaks my heart that all my family will very likely go before it is my time. It just seems...I don't know. But on the other hand, I am glad and honored even, to be there for these sweet ones. God entrusted ME with these little lives. Sometimes, it is overwhelming.

And frustrating.

Perspective

So much coming at me recently. It is overwhelming and my mind is not always able to take it in and wrap around it in a way that provides a successful outcome.

It is indeed the last days. All this liberal lunacy and socialist agenda here in the United States. President Trump removing troops from Syria and basically leaving Israel without the security we are called to provide. The elections in Israel basically coming to nothing good at all. Alec Baldwin with his ignorance on display on Saturday Night Live. I remember when SNL was actually funny and we watched it to escape reality for a few moments.

Demonic attacks, spiritual warfare, longstanding marriages crumbling, families torn apart, wars and rumors of wars, famine, earthquakes and let's not even START with the problems of my next door neighbors, and of course, California. And here I sit, looking at a bare Christmas tree wondering what ornaments to use this year.

I got the arena up three days ago. It has been raining ever since. Hay is rising in price. Again. I am weary.

Please Father! Is it time for us to come home? When will you call us home? Soon. And very soon.

Homesick

I should be there. Right now. I should be there and enjoying this in person.

Having to reschedule sucks. But thank you to those of you who vlog so I can still see what is going on!

Merry Christmas, Minnie and Mickey!

Just lucky I guess

I cannot believe the videos I have been running across on YouTube. Just when you think it cannot get any worse, you find THIS.

Hahahahahahahahaha! My side hurts.

Laughter is good for the soul!

Okay. So call me weird. I love to laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah....everyone loves to laugh. But?

I love to laugh at other peoples pain. Mostly other GUYS pain. I am a total sadistic man hater.

No I don't actually hate men. I love men. I just don't want one living around my house and telling me what I can and cannot do or what I can and cannot have. Men do that to me. A LOT. So I have horses instead.

Horses work for me. Why you ask? Well, here is my list:

#1:     They never complain about what I fix for dinner. Never once in all the years I have had horses has one of them looked at me when I came into the barn and said, "WHAT?! HAY for dinner AGAIN???"

#2:     They actually LIKE to sleep in the barn. Therefore, I don't have to share my closet.

#3.     If all the time I have to give them this week is one hour on Saturday, they don't mind at all. (Try that with a guy.)

#4:     They don't mind wearing pink or purple or any combination of the two. (My fave colors!)

#5:     They nicker at me when they see me come home. Not wolf whistle or be gross. They are just happy to see me.

#6:     They never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give me a difficult time no matter how much money I spend on myself or on them.

So yeah. I love having horses and laughing at men. I am sharing my latest find on YouTube for your enjoyment. Laughter at a man's expense.

Fa la la la la....get me out of here

Oh my head hurts.

Christmas and every blogger and vlogger has their Christmas tree decorating video up already. Me? I am just happy to make it to November alive. Maybe not well, but at least alive.

I was working with a patient yesterday whose Mommy had strep throat. Sooooo guess what? I have a sore throat tonight. My head is about to explode in pain and I am as cranky as one can get.

This afternoon I spent crying while sitting on Vanna's grave site. Buddy and Lizzie and Maximoose were so worried and right there beside me. I couldn't figure out why I was in such a bad and sad mood. Now with my throat being sore, I've a pretty good idea of what was going on.

I spent this evening watching YouTube videos on Christmas decorations. Some from this year and some from years past. I cannot believe these vloggers. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE uses the same voice. Well cadence anyways. The inflection of their narrative is exactly the same and I absolutely abhor the cheeriness and 'cuteness' factor they use when delivering their stories about how they did this and did that. Every. Single. One. I almost barfed.

Everyone changing colors in decor and adding this and taking away that. I almost threw my shoe through my Smart TV which is one thing I truly love in my home. I don't know how I would live without that thing now-a-days.

 

(My apparently boring tree)

I must really be sick for me to even THINK that.

So between getting sick to my stomach over the saccharine sweetness of stupid narratives and my head exploding, I figured out what I would like to do for my Christmas decorating. Not that I can afford to change much this year, what with the change in jobs and building up a decent caseload of patients, but I did get some inexpensive ideas by traveling back and forth between YouTube and Pinterest. I even had some ideas of my very own.

Now if only I can get motivated to DO anything.

Did I mention I don't feel well? Yeah. That too.

Finally found my theme song!

Yep. This guy nailed it!

Me. Totally ME.

Big M....Little m....what begins with Mm???

Remember that book?

You know. Dr Seuss's ABCs. The one that you memorized when you were a kid because the rhymes were fun and the pictures fanciful and your imagination went wild.

Big M....Little m....What begins with M?
              Many mumbling MICE.
                        Making midnight music in the moonlight.
                                      Mighty nice!

Unless they are making midnight music in your kitchen, that is. Dr. Seuss forgot to MENTION that. (Mention for M, get it?!)

So last week, my refrigerator died. It did that whilst I was not at home. It stunk up the house by the time I returned, so after emptying the contents into the trash, out it went to sit on the porch until I get it cleaned and rid of the electronics. Then it shall be used, placed on it's back for containing the grain which I feed my horses. I needed something impenetrable by the rodent population and I think this will be it.

There was a RAT hole under the fridge. GROSS and SHUDDERS! But at least I know where these varments are getting in now. Plugged that hole and cleaned. And cleaned. And cleaned some more. Of course my kitchen, after working 7 full months at a 12 to 18 hour a day job, 7 days a week, looked like a bomb had exploded in it. Quite forgotten until I ran out of forks or glasses and then begrudgingly, I would wash dishes. I think the only thing that got done on a regular basis was taking the trash out, but in reality, that did little to improve the quality of cleanliness so missing in my little home. No wonder he felt like he could move in and stay awhile.

But mind you, this was not that CUTE rat with the teddy bear that surfs the internet. This was an ugly pack rat that kept stealing my forks, ( I KNEW I hadn't used that many forks!),  the lids to my jars, my avocados if I left them on the counter. He even moved plastic storage containers in the bottom cabinet. He left evidence in that bottom cabinet as well as under that dead fridge. No wonder my cats sit in front of the fridge and stare at it all day.

Once I got everything cleaned and plugged, I was pretty pleased. But upon rising the next morning, there it was. Mouse doodoos. ON MY COUNTER.

Now I love Beatrix Potter and all her fanciful characters, but this is no Hunka Munka sweeping clean with a tiny broom! This is a messy little creature that has no consideration for anyone's property. I don't think I would mind a Beatrix Potter mouse, but noooooo.....I get the unemployed, unmotivated, Joe's apartment type visitor who simply doesn't want to leave. My cats are useless wienies.

So I put out snap traps. And that little thing cleaned the mechanism spotless and failed the snap to trap. wtf??? Soooooo....I got sticky traps. Loaded the center with peanut butter. Totally new to this type of trap. Have never used it before. And I have news for you. I will not ever use it again. Have you ever heard a little mousie scream? At 11:30 at night?

It is a horror movie right there. In your own kitchen.

I find this little creature with his/her backside glued to the trap and the front end desperately pulling on the counter and trying to run with the trap hanging on its bombasitty. Poor thing! So here I am in my PJs in freezing weather, with a screaming mousie butt glued to a sticky trap in one hand and a bottle of olive oil in the other, standing outside in my bare feet and no coat. Pouring olive oil on the trap to disengage that poor screaming mousie from this awful ordeal!

It wouldn't come off. Even with a shake. And I might have a tender heart, but it only goes so far. Especially when I am standing barefoot in 28* weather, with no coat on, wind blowing through my PJs and I am shivering worse than Jack in Titanic. So I place the trap by the goat and pig barn with an oily mousie and leave it there. If it works, fine. The little guy is saved. If not, then at least I will not likely hear mousie screams all night long.

In the morning, after cleaning and bleaching and cleaning and bleaching the counter top, I skip outside to find that little guy was gone. I can only assume that he got off the trap. If something had tried to EAT him, that sticky trap would be glued to someones nose and would not be there.

Two nights later? THERE IS MOUSE DOODOO ON MY COUNTER!!! Heeeee's baaack!!! And to beat all, the peanut butter is gone from the sticky traps. That little guy was probably so oily he just slickly walked across all of those traps and had a feast.

I should have just....I can't even bring myself to say it. The only thing I kill easily are flies.

I loaded more traps. Both snappy and sticky. I don't care HOW I get rid of it, but it will be gotten rid of. I even looked on YouTube and found THIS idea.....

This person left the bottom dry and let the mousies he caught go. All I can say is, "Been there! Done that!" And I am not doing that again. I am filling my bucket half full of water and hope that little mouse is not wearing a life jacket. Cruel and unusual punishment, I know. But better than having them on your counter and leaving their evidence behind.

I can't believe I am doing this. Farm girl be danged. I just hate killing things if I don't have to. I will probably have nightmares for YEARS remembering that terrified little mouse with his buttinski stuck to that glue board. Best to just do him in and get it over with.

Who am I trying to convince? If I find him drowning, I will most likely let him go again. I hope he gets dead real quick.

Beatrix Potter and Dr. Seuss are rolling in their graves right now. I am just SURE of it.

Slowing down....waaaay down!

My life is really busy. Well, let me rephrase that. I MAKE my life really busy. I just like being occupied and to be truthful, even when I am not working at a workplace, I am busy. Running a small farm and trying to get a home based business up and running, is more than enough to keep me busy.

But I realized this past month how disjointed I am when not working a 9 to 5 job so to speak. It has been a real eye opener for me. Problem is, as observant as I am in some things, it has taken me a MONTH to actually get it together and REALIZE it is okay to not be doing a basic 9 to 5 job.

When I gave my notice at my "9 to 5" job, (that was really a 12 to 18 hours a day job), I didn't have another to immediately step in to. As a matter of fact, the day before my very last day at work, I finally made a call to the company I am now working with. Working with medicare in a Skilled Nursing Facility, or SNF as they are referred to, is a LOT different than working with a home health agency that works with Autistic children. The timeline is different and there are penalties if you don't make those time lines in the SNF. In this particular home health situation, it can take awhile before everything gels correctly and you actually get the patient on your case load. And you are not penalized for that sort of a deadline, a lot of the scheduling is directed by the parents and how quickly they get on board with the Plan Of Care. During the time that I was working 12 to 18 hours a day, I would get home, complete what I needed to do with my animals and then collapse. Cleaning house or doing laundry was relegated to  the "You are out of forks and underwear so you need to do something" files.

And therein lies my problem. I don't know how to stop running at top speed. Or at least CHANGE that focus from running top speed at my job to running at top speed at my home. And I did not realize how EXHAUSTED my poor little body and mind were keeping up that crazy schedule!

Yesterday, for the first time, I finally relaxed and let God take over and do His thing. I don't know why I stress so! He has never let me down and all things that happen to me, let me stress that, ALL THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO ME, happen once they have been sifted through HIS fingers of love. Perhaps I was headed for a stroke or heart attack and that was why He slowed me down in this manner.

I had ONE patient yesterday in a town an hour away. Oh there are more patients in the area, but there again, it takes time before those kiddos will actually wind up on my schedule. This child was an absolute delight and the hour I spent with her sped by quickly and I faced the hour long drive BACK to my little town.

My little town, Kingman, Arizona is what one would refer to as "Podunk". Podunk USA. Redneck USA. If you don't drive a beat up pick truck, have a rebel flag either flying from the bed of your truck or posted somewhere else and listen to country music or rap, you are considered odd at the least. And though I LOVE living here, still the one thing I truly miss is the shopping. We have a Wal-Mart, (K-Mart and Sears closed last year) 2 Safeways, a Maurices and a Ross Dress for less, along with a multitude of thrift stores that you most likely don't want to shop at because you KNOW what your neighbors have and you don't WANT it in your house. So getting out of Kingman every now and again is good for my Gypsy Soul. I miss traveling. This job fits me just fine, causing me to leave my little bubble and get out once again to SEE.

They have a Hobby Lobby in Bullhead City where I was yesterday! And THIS is what God used to make me realize that not only is it OKAY to slow down, I NEEDED to slow down!

OH how I miss Hobby Lobby! Even if all you do is hang for awhile and gather ideas and get your creative juices flowing again, it is totally worth going to Hobby Lobby! And so I did.

They are gearing up for Christmas, Thanksgiving is in full swing and Halloween/Fall is waning but still with plenty of stuff on sale in that holiday. Oh. My. The Christmas ornaments had yet to be picked through and I was enthralled!

Aisle upon aisle of sugar plums and Santa's and Nativity Scenes! I love Christmas! For me, Halloween and Thanksgiving are wonderful, but Christmas? That is in a league all by itself. I LOVE Christmas and have a child-like wonder in all things Christmas. I love the decorating of my home when it comes!

The past few years, I have focused on getting a core of Christmas decorations together and for that base color scheme, I chose the colors of pink, champagne, white, silver and pale gold. They had an entire section of those colors alone!

The whimsy of dolls and baubles from tennis shoes to unicorns was simply amazing in their amount of imagination.

There was a particular Cinderella's pumpkin carriage I especially loved, although it was in bright orange. Love orange for fall, but that color is not for my Christmas decorations! Once I find it in silver or gold, then we shall consider it for my tree.

But seeing all of this, this year, I plan on adding another color or two to my decorations. I have already come home, whipped out that computer like a fast draw gunman and saved several possibilities. I LOVE color and it is time to begin embracing who I am and what I love for my home again. It has been too long living in the swamp land of 12 to 18 hours a day jobs, missing the fact that my home no longer holds the laughter of children, and not having time enough for my animal family and gardens.

And leave it to my Heavenly Father, to not only slow me down, but give to me a job that will be less time, will be spent in the company of children, and with a great deal more compensation in the monetary part of the equation. WOW.

So here is to slowing down. Taking the time to smell the horses. Laughing with my new children. Gardening and decorating my home.

All thanks to my AWESOME God.

Purple door and no one cares

We are supposed to be doing important things with our lives. Making changes. Helping others. But...

The past 2 months I've been in a stalled mode. Not moving forward. Forced to wait while others do their jobs so that I can do mine. Frustrating for sure and for certain. I am not one to wait well. What is that old saying? "Idle hands are the devils workshop"? And it is not like I don't have things I couldn't accomplish right now, the problem is? I am in a stalled mode.

Finally roused my asstibula to do SOMETHING. And this is what I did..........

YES. I always paint my front door purple. There are lots of ideas and theories about why weird people paint their doors purple in this world. Some say it is a regal color and signifies ROYALTY. Warm and inviting. Some people even believe that it signifies a WITCH lives in that house. That doesn't count for me unless you are counting my foul mood. Even then you would need to change that W to a B for it to fit me today. I just happen to like this shade of purple so I paint my front doors with it. It doesn't always go with the color of the house I am living in but I don't really give a rats behind. But yes. I will eventually paint the house too.  I WILL need to change the door hardware eventually also. Right now it is 1980's bright gold and looks odd. Anyways, I love the copper detailing I did to this door.

Unfortunately detailing means taping and actually being careful and steady with your paint brush. Which I was not in the mood for but did anyway. I loved this so much that I had a little light bulb over my head that pinged and said, "Why do just your FRONT door? WHY not do your BACK DOOR too? So I did. But that meant extra taping on not just one but TWO doors, because they are French doors.

I did one door at a time. Because I can do that if I want to and no one can stop me.

One down. One to go.

Miss Elizabeth Bennett was not impressed. Come ON Lizzie! Purple is a GREAT color! Now to actually WASH the windows. Then I can accomplish cleaning off that nasty back porch, pulling the old flooring off, replacing it correctly with pressure treated decking, painting the decking, adding the porch posts and covers, painting that and THEN. Start on the front porch. After I paint the house. But before I re-do the floors in the living room.

I wish I kept booze in the house. I'd totally drink it.

Lovely

It is lovely that I can come here and spout anytime I care or need to.

I just met someone who knew you. Asked me if I were related. Totally random. But it was rather shocking since it sort of slapped me in the face, so to speak. It was my chance! I could tell them anything I wanted about you! I could vindicate myself from all that you did to me! Without any preamble, I simply answered, no. I'd never met anyone by your name. Now this might seem a little harsh or even nasty, but truth often is.

I have exactly 3 things to say about that.

I still get the creepies when I think about this.

Ooops. I forgot to think about you until your that person reminded me.

 Where I don't live any longer.

They say you know you have healed when you have the chance for revenge and you don't take it. Sometimes it just hits you. I AM FREE! Bwahahahahahaha!

I love my life.

Stupid people. Can I just slap them???

I don't understand people. Let me clarify that. I don't understand STUPID people. CARELESS people and people who just don't care.

I just read a post by a woman on Facebook in a local animal group I belong to. She was upset and cussing and quite honestly, she had good reason. Someone, driving too fast, had run over her Siamese cat. She and her young son had witnessed it. How absolutely horrible!

I am a cat person. Truth to tell, I am just an all around animal person. I have more animals than I ought to have, but it seems that they just find me. Not long ago, driving down the dirt road into my place, I found an emaciated pot belly pig. Ham Solo now resides with me, but that is a story for another time. But you see, I don't have to LOOK for animals. They just happen to me.

 I have a total of SEVEN cats. Only one of them was purchased through the Human Society and that was Moki, my baby kitty Siamese. No way was I leaving her behind. All the rest were strays that needed homes and because I was worried that they would end up like that ladies Siamese cat, I brought them home with me. *sigh*

But my thought and question is, why, when you live in a city, do you let your cats roam the streets??? Sorry, but that is just STUPID. And I am sorry for your cat most of all. That is NO way to die! As I said, I have SEVEN cats. I live in the country and ALL my cats are indoor cats. Because being torn in pieces by coyotes is also no way to die and because I took all these cats into my care, that is exactly what I am supposed to do. CARE FOR THEM. KEEP THEM SAFE. That is my responsibility.

And I will gladly do it. Even if it means putting up with hair and scooping cat boxes and hair balls that I inadvertently step on when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Eeeewwww.

Hey. It's life with cats. What can I say???

A Rose in Winter

Today was a perfectly splendid fall day. Cool and clear and windy. Blowing leaves and hay and dirt everywhere. Not a day I wanted to spend out of doors for very long at a time.

There are only 5 more paydays until Christmas. Thanksgiving is only 39 days away. And the40th day is the day after Thanksgiving. The day my Christmas tree goes up! Yayness!

This year, I am going to complete that idea that has been in my head for the last 5 years. I am finally going to make those lovely paper roses I have wanted for my Christmas tree. For the past 5 years, I have planned but time got away from me and no roses were completed. But this year....I am actually doing it.

 I am going to start now, so that they will be ready. 40 days. I only have 40 days. I am hoping that will be enough time to accomplish what I see in my head.

This past Mother's Day, I taught some of my ladies at the nursing home how to craft these beauties and we made the most beautiful Peace roses you have ever seen. Beautiful pinks and vibrant oranges and cheerful yellows. Everyone was just enthralled with them.

Martha Stewart has a lovely pattern for paper roses made from coffee filters. They are a lot more complicated then what we did for Mother's Day but they are extremely pretty also.

Marthat Stewart Video for Coffee Filter roses

I don't want my roses to be so bright that they take away from the rest of my tree and to be honest, I am not sure I actually HAVE room to put them on the tree. My tree is pretty full as it is, but I have been dreaming of doing this for years. No need to put it off any longer, especially since I am not working a gazillion hours any more and actually have time to pursue things that I enjoy doing.

I have all the stuff because I have been collecting for FIVE FREAKIN' YEARS so I don't have to purchase anything to actually make them. Now I just need a kick in the pants to actually do it.

These are more the shade I think I will attempt. Maybe a little more pink. I haven't figured it all out yet, so I will play around until I hit on the correct shade. I will make sure to snap some photos of the construction process to catalog here.

So here is to having Sugar Plums dancing in your head and Happy Christmas Crafting!

RATS of a day

You know........when you are hanging on by your fingernails and then all of a sudden Murphy jumps in and blows it all to heck? Ever had one of those days?

Yeah. Me too. And today was that day.

Working at the SNF today (because I really want to go to Disneyland for my birthday) and about half way to work, my oil light comes on. So I stop and check the oil. Well howdy doody it is fine. What the hay? So I get BACK into my car and start it to find......the oil light is off.

Start back on the journey to the work place and yep, there it is again. So I did the everything above again. And again and finally on the fourth time I just went ahead to work. Had a FABULOUS day at work, and when I got into the car and started it, no oil light! Yayness!!! And then right in front of KFC it goes on again. Swerved into Auto Zone to have it diagnosed to no avail. All it says is that a couple of knock sensors are acting up. One on tier one and one on tier two.

What in the heck are KNOCK SENSORS??? And what the heck does that have to do with oil??? Weeeellllllll....exactly nothing.

So my mechanic neighbor is looking at it tomorrow to see if my old beater can be fixed. I hope so because I don't want another car payment.

Sheesh. I need a vacation!

Experiment in odors....ick

Back in June I officially gained my title as 'Crazy Cat Lady'.

                                Sprockett and Tuki

Believe me, I never had the intention of having this many cats at one time, but it happened. 2 feral kittens needed a home. And sooooo....I took them and named them Freddie and Flossie. From the Bobbsey Twins when I was a kid. I mean after all, when you have five cats, what's two more???

Well STINK!!! That is what two more does! I added another litter box but even WITH the Arm and Hammer Slide litter that has GREAT odor control, it gets stinky very quickly. It also gets very expensive very quickly. A large box is about $23.00 and I am going through one and a half boxes a week. I really have a problem paying for clumpy dirt for someone to shit in. (I shouldn't have used that word. Sorry.) But I do! Bad enough I have to clean those boxes twice daily, but to pay that much money is nothing short of irritating.

So looking over my options....I can't get rid of any cats! I love them too much. I can't go to a cheaper litter. I actually like to LIVE in my house. As it is with the Slide litter, there are nights I sleep in the living room because the stink of someone laying a new bomb in the litter box is enough to make me gag. It is getting to the point where I need to wear a gas mask to sleep in my own bedroom! Add to that the fact that the stupid litter clumps and gets into the cat paws between their little pads and they track it EVERYWHERE. I have tried every mat out there and nope. I still got kitty litter on the floor, in the sink, in the bathtub, (cat boxes are in my master bathroom), on the carpet in the bedroom, on the book shelves, in my bed. Wait. What? Yep. I have a couple of cats that love to hide beneath my covers and when they can finagle it even WITH me tucking in the sheets so tight you can bounce a penny off of them, those little buggers still manage to get between the sheets.

Enough is enough when you have to wash your cats paws to get the clumping litter from between their little pads. Sooooooo......

I finally had an epiphany. My barn does not smell and I only scoop there ONCE a day. Why is that? So I finally went out and got a bag of wood burning pellets that I use for bedding in the stalls. (I use the wood burning pellets because they are about $5.00 a forty pound bag whereas the Equine Pelleted Bedding is $12.00 a bag and it is exactly the same thing. Probably safer because the wood burning pellets have to be rated for humans.

I replaced all the cat litter with pellets. They are not so small they get stuck between their little pads and they don't track them all over. A few on the floor now and again, but it isn't as bad as stepping on Legos. The pellets dissolve into saw dust once they get wet and that stuff sifts to the bottom of the litter box. I still have to scoop poop out of there, but I only have to do that once a day now. At first I was sifting all the pellets and dumping all the sawdust, but I finally came to the conclusion that it is easier to just leave it and dump it all and put new pellets in every 2 to 3 days. Just depends on how much those cats drink I guess, but it is working! No more horrid smells wafting through the house. And no more clumping cat litter between my sheets.

I thought I was such a genius. Until a video came up on my YouTube feed. DOH. I guess people have been doing this for some time now. They are actually layering pans, drilling holes in the top one and sifting the sawdust out. Which is a lot easier than taking out the intact pellets with a pooper scooper like I was doing. Whatever.

I just like the woody smell. Much preferable to wearing your prepper gas mask to bed each night.

Revenge

Today was windy. VERY windy.

Which is not all that unusual for the area I live in. We are known for our winds. Yayness. Wind means that all the trash from my Bozo neighbor blows up against my fence and is plastered there until it makes its way up the fence and over. And then I get to pick it up and actually dispose of it.

I love my place. I do NOT love my neighbors. And shame on me because as a Christian I am supposed to be doing just that. And I know I am not supposed to make excuses but I find it very difficult to LOVE someone who poisoned my German Shepherd. And the bastards made sure I was not there, able to help her. My poor pet sitters! Yes. My sweet Vanna is no longer with us....I just cannot handle it without wanting to jump my fence and beat the flying crap out of them. I also know that I am not supposed to take revenge. Vengeance is MINE sayeth the Lord. But I am having difficulty with that.

Precious one. My sweet Vanna. You were the bestest companion and protector I have ever known. We ALL miss you very much. I miss your goofy antics and your frantic excitement to do whatever I asked you to do. I miss the security you brought to my home as well. My life is forever changed because you were a part of my family and I promise you, I PROMISE YOU, that I will adopt another homeless and abused German Shepherd in your honor and remembrance. Once I get a privacy fence up to insure safety. And yes. I promise I will follow God's command and leave the vengeance for Him to take care of. I am torn between praying that it happens and praying for their souls. What kind of soul could be so cruel and have no conscience?

I am just glad they cannot hurt you anymore and that you are not hurting anymore. The only thing that is hurting now is my heart. I love you. I always will.

 I'll see you when I get there NanaBanana.

Butterflies

It has been sometime since this has happened. I have butterflies in my tummy. Don't have a reason to have them, I mean it's not like I am going to Disneyland tomorrow or any adventure really. But they are there and it makes me happy. Happy to know I can still feel things like hope and happiness.

Sometimes, things get so rough in life, you forget about cool stuff like that. I hope that I can experience stuff like this as long as I live. It is difficult to live your life without hope!

I recently changed jobs. It wasn't something forced, I wasn't laid off or fired or booted out, nothing nasty. Well nothing nasty on my part, but I was just fed up and without a job lined up and a trip to Colorado planned, I simply did it. I put in my 2 weeks notice and although it was not something I looked forward to, I worked that notice out and left with my head high. The day before I left that job, I had another in my pocket and would start when I got back from Colorado. Talk about good timing! I just made a phone call and there it was. A job in my pocket.

Sometimes you just wonder, on the down side of it that is, WHY you worry at all. Or WHY you would put up with a workplace that treats you like a pile of dog poop in a cantaloupe patch. All I know is that a job that I dearly loved was made intolerable by others who thought and fought against me. Even though I saved their butts from getting closed down. On the upside, I am just glad to be away from there and in a job that is quite possibly going to be the best I have ever had.

God is good! So here's to butterflies in your tummy! I pray that you get them too!

HOW in the heck is it already OCTOBER?!?!

Life.

It moves so quickly. Sometimes it feels as though it moves with the speed and determination of The Terminator. Seeking to destroy. But here I am. Still hanging on and running for all I am worth!

Fall is forever my favorite season but I will never understand why the biggest changes in my life happen in the fall. This fall is no different. I am grateful to my heavenly Father for this upheaval in my life, for it is a good one. Me? I am a rut person. I enjoy the same old-same old, so to get me to make an actual move requires God to really allow something icky to happen in my life to pry me out of the comfortable rut I have made for myself. But I gotta say I LOVE this move....now that I know what is happening that is. Didn't exactly like all that icky stuff to get me here, but know what? Good riddance. And on with the career move!

Problem is icky stuff makes me not want to write in my little blog. I just cannot see clear when all that stuff is going on and although I really dislike all the happy-happy-joy-joy-never-ever-say-you-have-bad-things-happen garbage that you read on so many blogs, I don't really want to be the one who gripes all the time. So I just don't write. But writing is good for me as to write helps me to settle my thoughts, so I have determined that I just need to write more. I need to use this blog to remind me of where I have been and catalog my thoughts and plans and dreams.

So here I am. Hopefully to stay active and while not all the time happy, at least stay positive. We shall see how far this goes.

Is it finding yourself or just remembering who you are?

TWENTY SEVEN YEARS.

It has been 27 years since that breakup of a relationship that took it all away. I did not realize THAT was what it was, but when you become a single mother with an ex-someone who tries to thwart your every move, you can lose who you are through having to remain tough.

I am not a tough woman. Strong, but not tough. Smart and resourceful, but certainly not tough. I have always had a marshmallow heart for my children and it was difficult to play the "tough love" game to get them through those horrid teenage years. SO glad that time is over and even more glad to know that pushing them made them take responsibility and not be a child at 35 living in your mother's extra bedroom. Although they would say differently, God and I know the truth.

Moving back to Arizona from Colorado has been wonderful. Colorado is such a beautiful state! But not for me....for an Arizona gal, that is like 9 months of winter and 3 months of summer. And I love the green and rain, but holy cow! Not THAT much! I am much more suited to a desert sunset ride than a snowy, up to your cinch, ride. I love my Arizona. And I love where God chose to place me.

I have a home I love, I have a job I adore and I have all my animal family. But finally having a home, rather than moving place to place means nesting and that is something I haven't done in a long time. Choosing furniture, making a garden, putting up a barn....I haven't done that in earnest for 27 long years. These past 5 years have been a trial as I try out one look after another in my mind only to find that they are not me at all. But FINALLY. Finally I remembered who I am and what brings me happiness when I step into my little home.


This blog I write tonight, I write for me. For that time, if it ever comes, that I need to remember all the things that brought me through the past 5 years BACK to the woman I am. The woman I had forgotten existed. The woman who loves classical music. NOT country. The woman who loves saving and caring for animals and gardens. The woman who prays for the children she bore and still loves.  The woman who loves the Hollywood Regency furniture and wears boots and lacy socks with her dresses. The woman who loves and trusts a great and mighty God. The woman God has blessed beyond all expectations.

These photos are for me. To remember. To remember ALL of it...

 

 

 

 

Thank You for the adventure, Father God. I love You.