When Pigs Fly

Okeyday. This is a rant. Just so you are forewarned, THIS. IS. A. RANT.

I am usually a pretty even keeled person. Takes a lot to get me mad. Communication is key to any successful relationship. Even if that relationship is a non-relationship.

Today I freakin' BLEW IT. As far as the "it takes a lot to get me mad" thingy. Holy Guacamole. I just about blew my cork.

I have to haul water to my horses. Every day. So I carry a 275 gallon tank in the back of my truck. Which is why I have a Kick-A$$-Haul 9 horses at one time-Big-Girl-Truck. I call him Prince Charming. And I love my truck. No. Really. I LOVE MY TRUCK.

 

The place where I get my water from has these little arrows for making sure all the good little trucks go the same and correct direction. So there isn't any confusion and more importantly, crashes. So I am pulling up to the water pump and some IDIOT MAN pulls in the wrong way and blocks me off.

 

I almost spit nails. Not only did he cut me off, he came within inches of putting a dent in my Prince Charming! Being the lady that I am, (mostly for fear I'd get shot by some redneck, packing idiot), I didn't flip him off, (thought about it but didn't DO it). I didn't jump out of my Big Girl Truck and stomp the living daylights out of him, (thought about it but didn't DO it). I didn't even YELL AT HIM. (Thought about it but I didn't DO it). I just sat and waited my turn, (that he so wrongly stole).

 

But my initial THOUGHT reaction........my anger........really surprised me. I thought I was beyond all that.

 

I am one who does not jump from relationship to relationship. My serious relationships, have gaps between them. Sometimes those gaps are long years apart and some are only a few years apart, but none have ever been less than a year. I just don't think that you should drag the garbage from one relationship right into the next. I thought I was ready. It's been 4 years and I thought I was ready.

 

But today with that one, little, thoughtless, inconsiderate, dangerous and selfish action, that IDIOT MAN brought it all back. I thought I had healed. Apparently not. In that one move, this man, whom I don't even know, made me feel what that last relationship did all over again.

 

The disrespect. The unfairness. The unworthiness. The helplessness. The hopelessness. THE ANGER.

 

I rarely think about him anymore. Oh on occasion I do, but the daily thoughts of trying to figure out the whys and why nots or the 'how come I wasn't enough for him' thoughts, those have dissipated with the past years. At least I thought they had.

 

I never thought that there would ever be a man who could make me stop believing in the power and magic of love. But here I am. Love again?

 

When Pigs Fly.

 

 

Father, please. Please help me to forgive. Truly forgive.