The After Thanksgiving Blues................I think NOT!

I follow a few cooking blogs. I truly enjoy them and learn a LOT. I enjoy trying out new recipes and changing them to suit my tastes.

It is a good thing I like turkey because these days after Thanksgiving, it seems that everyone is posting new recipes on how to use left over turkey. Turkey this and turkey that.......

Are you kidding me???

I am still harvesting zucchini from my garden! I mean, really! Let's talk about THAT.

Yes. The weather is really weird these days here and I finally pulled up the plants and tossed them in the compost pile. I am hoping they don't take root there, because I have cooked zucchini, frozen zucchini, made zucchini bread, zucchini brownies, zucchini stir fry, added zucchini to my spaghetti sauce and any number of other things until I feel like it is coming out of my ears!

I only planted a few zucchini because we ALL know what happens. You become a pest because you are giving it away and your neighbors start to avoid you. No one at work wants any more of your zucchini and you are STUCK with it. You freeze and can so much zucchini that you begin to dream of a huge zucchini chasing you down the street and you wake up in a cold sweat, terrorized and thankful you never got to the end of that nightmare.........

So today, I decided with the last of the zucchini I would make yet another zucchini dish to freeze so that I can have something quick to nuke in the microwave when I get home too late to cook. (Which is usually every day I work.). So here it goes you guys, yet another zucchini recipe for you to store in your files when you have too much zucchini and don't know what to do with it!

Cowgirl Cates Bacon Zucchini Cheese Pie

Start off by frying up a mess of bacon bits. I use kitchen scissors to cut the bacon as I put it in the pan. It's easier than trying to cut it with a knife like all those fancy chefs on television....Drain it well and set aside.

Remember! All of these ingredients and the amount of them can be changed to whatever you like best and I like bacon best, so I use about a pound of it when I am making a batch of pies to freeze.

In this particular batch I am going to use fresh mushrooms, the last of the tomatoes from the garden, sweet white onion and lots and lots of cheese! I am going to add as much zucchini as I can so I can get rid of the dang stuff.

 

Chop all of the ingredients up and shred that cheese. (I cheat. I use pre-shredded cheese because it is easier). You cannot use too much cheese. Honest. I used 2 packages for this batch and it was great!Mix all of the ingredients, including the bacon into a large bowl. It should look something like the above pic. I usually add a little crushed basil in the mix, just to jazz it up!

 

 

Next you are going to mix some batter for your pie. So you will need 2 cups of flour, 3/4 cups of milk, 2 eggs and 1 TBS of baking powder. Add a dash of salt, a pinch of sugar and whisk all of this together. If it is too thick, add milk and if it is too thin add some flour. It should be the consistency of a loose cake batter.

 

Now gather whatever pan you want to bake this pie in. You can use just about anything but I love these little baking pans I got at our local 99Cent Only store. They were only 99 cents and they are the perfect size for one person. I love them! I use pretty pie pans if I am serving this for company.

 

Load your mixture in the pan. Fill it pretty full. I do mine almost to the top.

 

Now pour your batter over the top of the mixture. Make it cover the entire pan of yummy zucchini/bacon/cheese mixture!

 

Pop this little baby into a 350 degree oven that has been preheated and bake until you can put a toothpick in the middle and it comes out clean . The top should be nice and golden. The time will vary with the size of pan and the amounts you are baking, but usually about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes should do it.

 

You should come out with something resembling this.........

 

I did two pans today and then I cut them into squares and froze them. They are wonderful lunch pies to take to work, or like I said, if I am too rushed to cook dinner, I can always pop one into the microwave and it is an easy-peasy supper.

 

I simply love cooking with good veggies from the garden!

 

I shall be eating this for the next month I am sure.........

 

So I hope this helps you when you too, have too much zucchini and not enough neighbors to share with. But be forewarned. This particular recipe is delicious and addicting. My fav way to use that everlasting zucchini!







 



 

 

 

 



 





Here chick, chick, chick!

Okay. So I have decided to have 15 chickens instead of an even dozen. (Counting Punky Rooster) And this is why.........

This is a Salmon Faverolle hen with some of her little chickydoodles. She will lay brown eggs and this is what the hatchery says about this breed of chicken.........

Originating in France in the 1850's, the Salmon Faverolle is a good dual purpose chicken being both a good layer and a large size bird. The Salmon Faverolle chicken has a calm and docile personality which makes them a favorite chicken for backyards. Their characteristics include beard, muff, 5 toes and feathered shanks.

I don't much care that you can eat these guys but I do care about the docile personality. And the fact that they lay brown eggs. I like that. So I think Punky Rooster is going to have his hands full. Or is that spurs???

Chicken!

So my little Punky Rooster is quite the man. He currently resides in a cage inside the house because #1; I have not built the chicken yard and house yet, and
#2; He's the only chicken I have and I don't want him to be out there by himself.

Yeah. I know. Rather unusual to have a rooster residing IN your house. But hey. He is smaller than a cockatoo! And probably not as loud. Although I will say he has a strong set of lungs for such a little guy. This little guy can really crow and he does so! Like really freakin' early in the morning. EVERY morning. It is time to start building that chicken house and run.

So I am ordering my chickens here pretty soon. I use a hatchery out of Iowa. I like these guys because they actually do a package called "City/Town small orders", so I don't have to order 100 chicks and I don't have to have any more noisy little roosters. All the chickens are sexed and you can get only pullets. Which is really good considering I can't actually KILL and BUTCHER anything.

When I left the farm at 17, I swore I would never, ever, never, EVER butcher another animal again. So far I have managed to keep that oath. I may starve during the zombie apocalypse and only eat veggies, but I am keeping that oath. I cannot kill anything I have taken care of and named.

So here are some ideas I have come up with for this project.

 

Retaining wall that I can actually plant in. I want to use tires because, believe me, they are plentiful in the desert and it needs to be cleaned up. I need to get this done first, so I started clearing and leveling today. I'll do pics of the actual project as I progress through the steps.

 

 

This is called 'The Wonky Playhouse' and you can get plans online. I think this will make a cute and functional chicken house. I will need to add a few things, but I want something with a little fairy tale magic.

 

 

Gotta have a run for the chickens. I am only going to have 12 chickens, including Punky Rooster, so they need a place to run and scratch. Because of the extreme amount of predators, hawks, eagles, coyotes and wolves, they will need something secure. I want it something pretty, so this looks like something I would like sitting in my backyard.

 

It all seems huge for one little lone rooster, so I researched and gathered ideas of what kind of chickens I want. With 11 hens and one little rooster, once the girls start laying I should have enough eggs for myself and to share with friends as well. Here are the type of hens I have decided on.........

 

 

Ameraucana

 

This chick lays colored eggs. They are also a pretty prolific layer but besides that, I like the fact that she has a beard. She must be over 50 years of age, because that is what happens when you hit fifty as a female. Amazing, but true.

 

Olive Egger

 

This little girl also lays colored eggs, but the eggs are much darker. I look forward to getting her. I am thinking of naming her Olive Oyl.

 

Silver Spangled Appenzeller Spitzhauben

 

White egg layer. Crazy hair do. Spotty. I want one.

 

Cinnamon Queen

 

Good layer of large brown eggs. The roosters are actually prettier than the hens. This is a newer breed for the hatchery but I am looking forward to seeing how this kind of chicken does.

 

Golden Laced Polish

 

Please. Like you could live without one of THESE??? And after all, I have Polish Arabians, I NEED Polish chickens too. She will lay WHITE eggs.

 

White Polish

 

I think I have to have this one too. Crazy hair do AND a beard. Good layer of white eggs. I wonder if she walks into walls.

 

Bantams

 

And of course, my favorite chickens in the world. Bantams....tiny and cute and the best broody hens you could ever find. I don't plan on hatching eggs though. Been there and done that and I don't care what you do, you always wind up with 45 roosters and 3 hens. Thank you no. I'll just order my chicks. When you do the City/Town Special, they actually pick the kind of Bantams so you don't have a choice, but I don't care. I would not have chickens if I could not have some bantams in the mix. They come in a pack of 5.

 

So all together that makes 11 hens and one noisy little rooster. Whom I have yet to take a photo of. Maybe this weekend. I think I will call my flock.............drum roll...................wait for it....................

 

 

Punky Rooster and the Chickletts!







 

 

 

 







 

 







The Cart BeforeThe Horse

It is a sad thing.

When something dies before it even has a chance to live. Speaking of relationships as it were. It is a wearying thing to have happen over and over and over once again.

But there are certain things you can compromise on, and in any good relationship, for it to succeed, there needs to be a goodly amount of compromise on both sides, but then there are certain things you cannot compromise on if the relationship is to have a chance. Or if you want to maintain your integrity and the essence of who you are.

Would you sacrifice your convictions and morals to see a relationship work? At the very beginning?

The one thing I have learned in this life is that if you do not follow God's rules for relationships, the relationship is doomed. Maybe not doomed to death, but it will never be what it could have been had you just followed His rules. It will be miserable. It will be its own living hell. For how can you live with yourself if you are betraying everything you believe in? It breeds resentment, a relationship like that.

I have done that in the past. I will never do that again. I guess that conviction comes with experience and with a great deal of pain as well. But I will never, ever again place myself into a position where to make a relationship work, I will be choosing between my relationship with Christ Jesus and my relationship with a man. I will be no victim of pressure because the world does not recognize sin as sin or even more importantly, the one you are with won't recognize sin.

Guilt and shame is nothing I want to live with and we ALL have some guilt and shame over something we did in the past. The enemy will never allow you to forget that mistake you made. He will accuse and berate and belittle you. He will try to make you feel worthless.

Been there. Done that. NEVER again.

I am forgiven of my past. By a sacrifice so great and awesome and terrible that it will cover past sins, present sins and even those that I may commit in the future. But God help me, I don't want to do ANYTHING that will nail Him back on the cross. I am weak at times, but I have a choice.

Someday, if God wills, there will be a man who will love you and treat you like the jewel God made you to be. Believe and give Him your heart. Trust Him and He will guard your heart until the time He will give it to that man. God loves you. He wants the best for you. Don't compromise on that.

   tenth avenue north

Dancing with Demons............things we ought not to be messin' with!!!

Being raised on a farm lends to you learning some really great absolutes.

Things like, if the gate is closed when you go through, close it again. Or, don't be messing with the bull. Or, make sure when you throw trash away you don't cap ketchup bottles because when you burn trash, they will explode. Or, make sure you take a big stick with you when you go to collect eggs because of that stinkin' big Rhode Island Red rooster......

One learns quickly on the farm because you can get hurt pretty badly. It is a shame more people did not have the chance to grow up on the farm because we all need to know parameters. Boundaries are good things. And it is odd how we love to push those boundaries! Those boundaries keep us safe!

One of the programs I listen to on the weekend is from Understanding the Times Radio, the radio ministry of Jan Markell of Olive Tree Views. I really like having a Christian perspective to the news of the world, because face it........The news these days is flippin' SCARY.

I was not able to listen to her program last week and so today, I listened to two programs, this weeks and last weeks. Wouldn't you know it, last weeks was REALLY interesting and I am SO glad I got to listen to it!

Once or twice a year or so, Jan does a "Paranormal update" because the world is seeing a huge rise in the acceptance of things we ought not to be messing with. Now I know that many people right here are going to have a cow because of that last statement, but you need to understand that I come from a Biblical perspective and I do my best to follow the precepts that are in God's Word. It isn't always easy, but I committed and I do my level best to live what I profess. With that being said, if you have any questions because I am not explaining myself clearly enough, please feel free to listen to the program yourself. Here is the link: https://www.oneplace.com/ministries/understanding-the-times/custom-player/dancing-with-demons-630016.html

In this program there are several references to the infamous 'Ouija Board'. I think we all have had experience with one of these, whether we got that experience at a slumber party or got a board for our birthday, the fact remains that we all know what it is. I HATE those things. I have seen more damage come from that seemingly innocuous 'toy' than I would ever care to relate. All I can do is warn you..........it isn't a game. IT IS NOT A GAME. It is a link to a world you don't want to be involved with. It is false power and power that is out to destroy you. To captivate and annihilate you. Literally. If you doubt my word, ask the dang thing a question that begins with, "In the name of Jesus". Demons have to submit to the name of Jesus.

People are hurting these days. Things are so violent and messed up in this world that people will grab at any straw of hope and unfortunately if you have a lack of faith, you can search for that thing which will fill the void in your heart  and it will be something that doesn't love you, but HATES you and wants you dead. Don't believe those lies. Don't believe that you are worthless. Lift up your head to the Heavens.

There is One Who loves you. And He isn't found in a board. He is calling your name, gently and lovingly. He loves you so much that He was willing to give His life for you, be the sacrifice for anything and everything wrong you have ever done or will do in the future. He loves you so much that He could not imagine EVER living life without you and so He sacrificed Himself in your place, so that you could enter Heaven as a clean and spotless person and face a righteous and holy God.

You can talk to Him anytime you want. No need to make an appointment. No need to wait in any lines. He is there. Right next to you. Just for you. Let that pride fall away. Call on Him. And let Him love you and change your life. That walk isn't going to be easy, but rest assured that He will never leave you. He will never forsake you. Whatever you face, He will be there through it all and hold you close. He gives you life. An amazing and extraordinary life!

Don't let someone else steal it from you.

A Life Beyond Amazing

Be the Black Sheep

There is an old saying that everyone goes back to their roots.

I think the Bible said it best in Proverbs;

"Train up a child in the way he should go,

Even when he is old, he will not depart from it."

                                                                                               Proverbs 22:6

 

I went the way of a rebel. I simply wanted to get as far away from my Mom as I could and so at 17 years of age, and being ever so smart, I packed my bags and away I went. From that time on, and even more when I found Christ, I was considered 'The Black Sheep' of the family. Today, I am glad I am. But that hardly erases my roots!

(Gotta get me one of these!)

 

I am not a perfect person. I have never claimed to be, but whether it is age or wisdom, I find myself going back to those Farm Girl roots that were instilled in my younger days. I am glad for the training that my Mom and Daddy, God rest their souls, pounded into me whilst I was growing up under their roof. (Even though I fought that training tooth and nail!) I long to garden, to build and look out my window and see beloved animals, fat and sassy. I want to swing on a porch swing and gather roses and dahlias for my sideboard or dining table. I want to hear that stinkin' little rooster crow and my hens clucking away as they chase crickets and grasshoppers. I no longer want to roam this earth without a place to come back to. Don't get me wrong, I still love to travel, but I want the assurance that I will have a home to return to. One where I can simply be who I am and do what I love to do. I need my Sanctuary.

 

Today, I ordered my Farmer's Almanac and my planting calendar. So necessary to success in the garden and I especially want a good harvest this year. I'd like to plant as much as I can manage and share the wealth as well. But after I was on the website, I ambled over to the 'Old Farmers Store' and found some cute things that I need  want for the house as well. I thought I'd share them with you, so you can head on over and see what you need also!

 

Bestest ever cookbook!

 

Farmiest Dish Towels!

 

Gotta have Arizona Sun Catchers!

 

Most Wonderful Farm Signs!

 

So head on over and if you were not raised in the country sun, as I was, get an almanac and learn the wonders and joys of being a Farm girl!

 

I'll be praying you will find joy in coming back to your roots..................

 

 

 

 

 

 



I think I do, but I don't.......

I think it hits all of us at some point in time. The problem is..............how do you handle it?

I have spent the majority of my life alone. That is not to be misconstrued as being lonely. I am rarely lonely. My life is too busy for that, however, once in a blue moon, it hits me.

I find myself in a rut of my own making. Putting that nose to the grindstone, one day I look up and realize that my life pattern is something like this;

Go to work.
Go home.

Go to work.
Go home.

And sometimes, I go to work and then? I go home.

There are all the in between things that one does on a farm. Like feed horses, scoop poo, feed chickens, feed dogs, clean house..........the list goes on.

It is times like these that we have to stop and make GOOD decisions. I didn't do that this time. And while I am squirming under this bad decision I turned on the radio to one of my favorite stations.

I listen to a lot of different preachers and teachers of Gods Word on the radio as I travel to and from work. It is my most favorite thing to do. I love learning His precepts and understanding as much as I can about this world. One of my favorite people to listen to is David Hocking. He has a radio ministry called "Hope for Today".

This week David was running a series titled "Making Right Decisions" and at the end of the series, he gave 11 principles to making right decisions and as I listened to these words I realized I really blew it. (Big surprise. I do that often). The principles or questions you should ask when making a decision are the following;

1.    Does it glorify God?
2.    Does cause anyone to stumble?
3.    Does it edify others?
4.    Is your conscience clear?
5.    Does it keep you from doing good?
6.    Does it bring peace?
7.    Does it have the appearance of evil?
8.    Does it bring contentment?
9.    Is it the will of God?
10.  Does it make you a more effective witness for the Lord?
11.  Are you listening to Godly counsel when making this decision?

I think the biggest thing about making a dating site profile is that it just didn't feel right. I am too old fashioned for dating anymore. I was not always like that, but since I truly decided to follow Jesus, I just don't fit in to that anymore. It became apparent right away with the first guy I spoke with. Maybe he didn't think anything of it, but to me, the comment was lewd.

I took that profile down immediately.

And although I am emailing with a guy, it still doesn't feel right. It isn't bringing contentment. And I certainly don't have peace about this. I know it sounds silly, but I truly believe that if I was doing something I ought to be doing, I wouldn't feel this way. I just needed those sermons to validate what I was feeling.

I guess if I am ever blessed enough to have another relationship it will have to be because God dropped that man right in my path. If it happens, I hope that he is so busy chasing Jesus and looking up that we literally smack into one another. If not................Jesus makes a really good husband. He listens really well. He is always by my side. He has promised never to leave me or forsake me.

And He never complains about what I cook for dinner.

David Hocking
Hope for Today
Making Right Decision part 1
Making Right Decisions part 2
Making Right Decisions part 3

What is really important......

I live a small and quiet life. It is productive in some ways, but there are days you have to wonder.

What IS really important?!?

I am so tired this morning. I got home from work last night tired. Loooong day! And then when I went out to get in the truck, I found my drivers side back tire on it's way to being square. I don't like square tires. They make me cranky.

So I went to get my jack out, only to remember that it wasn't there, but sitting beside the horse trailer where this weekend, I was going to change the spare off of the trailer and put the tire I just had repaired back on. I feel like lately all I have done is change tires. But having round tires on all your vehicles is really important.

It wouldn't have been so bad, but I am baby sitting a girlfriends pup while she is on an over night trip. So here I am, with a pup on leash and needing to change a tire, with no jack and I am in my scrubs from work. And not just ANY scrubs, mind you. They are predominantly WHITE. Just what you want to wear when changing a tire. Especially when you have to let ALL that water out of the water tank in the bed of the truck (About 275 gallons of water that you just picked up for your horses)! That. Is. Just. GREAT.

So long story short, I borrowed a jack from a co-worker and after an hour of grubbing around on the ground in white scrubs, struggling with lug nuts that the shop put on too tight, I have a ROUND tire on the truck. My audience was approving.

 

What is up with that EAR pointing the way north???

 

So after stopping to pick up MORE water for the horses, Izzy and I headed home. Feeding animals and being too tired to fix something for myself, we headed off to bed.



This morning I woke up to this.........

 

My heart melted and I am reminded of what is REALLY important. I love you Izzy.

Resolutions

The new year is literally around the corner.

I am hoping the new year will bring something other than heart aches. This year, 2017, has been difficult to say the least. I miss Rhett, Boo, Siri` and Elmo so much. When does the pain stop and the change into velvet memories of the good times?

God only knows.

I am not content right now. I know Paul said that he had learned how to be content in any circumstance, but for some reason I have a restlessness inside. In times past when I got this feeling, I just simply moved. My moving days are over. Now I crave roots. A gypsy with roots. Who ever heard of a thing?

A friend posted on my Facebook page, an article that stated women who own horses live longer than those who do not. I have 7 horses and have had many more that have crossed that rainbow bridge. Maybe this is Gods way of giving a horse woman peace of mind. It is difficult to say good bye to these wonderful friends, but to be leaving this world and worried about what would happen to your babies after you were gone is a hell I don't wish on anyone. Least of all me.

I hate these nights when I cannot sleep. I have tried just about everything and tonight it is a new concoction that I found on Pinterest. Chamomile tea, coconut oil, raw honey and salt.

Tastes like crap.

I'll let you know how it works.

YAR!!!

Oh man. Ya ever have one of those days that everything just goes RIGHT? Yayness!

I know this sounds goofy, but I have had butterflies in my tummy all day long! Tomorrow marks 30, count 'em, THIRTY days until I leave for Disneyland. You would think at my age, I wouldn't be so excited. BUT I AM!

I. Am. EXCITED. YAR!!!

What's in a name???

Well. He is home.

But he is NOT a Rooster Cogburn. So I have aptly named him, Punky Rooster.

Here is a photo of Punky with his old owner. I will post others as soon as I can.

He is  VERY friendly!

The newest addition to my little family.........

His name is Rooster Cogburn.

He was supposed to be here today, but the lady I am getting him from had an emergency and could not make it. So sorry. But I will get him tomorrow.

He is too cute. A mille fleur Bantam rooster and although I don't have a photograph of him, he looks kinda, sorta like this...........

 

 

Rooster Cogburn has more black on him then this and his tail feathers are a little more gracefully shaped and longer. He is indeed a handsome fella!

 

I know a lot of people think I am crazy, (big surprise), but I don't want a big rooster. I really like the smaller bantam roosters because they inflict less damage, if they inflict any at all. My left leg still boasts scars from that big nasty Rhode Island Red rooster we had when I was a teen-ager.

 

I remember complaining about that stinkin' rooster to my Daddy. So my Dad gave me one of those little folding Army shovels to take into the chicken pen when I went to collect eggs. "Just whallop him once or twice", Dad said.

 

I have to thank Daddy for that. I had a killer backhand in tennis that year. All these years later, I still don't feel sorry for that stinkin' rooster. Holy guacamole, he never, EVER gave up. Just kept coming at me until I walked out of that pen.

 

I came home one afternoon and the rooster was nowhere to be found. So I asked my Dad...."What happened to the rooster?" His answer? "He attacked me, so I killed the SOB."

 

What. The. HAY?????

 

Which is why I like LITTLE roosters. I am looking forward to adding him to my little family. I am getting ready to build a new chicken house and run, so this is going to be fun. I purchased plans for the cutest little playhouse and will make it into the chicken house of my dreams. This is a pic, but mine will be painted differently.............

 

I am thinking purple and gingerbread red for the colors. I am building the actual house on a cement slab, but the yard run will be on the dirt. So I have to plan against those critters from digging into the yard I will be doing this...........

 

 

I want to plant some vines and other plants so that the run will look something like this.................

 

 

I do believe I have my work cut out for me. I get to pick up Rooster Cogburn tomorrow afternoon. I will not have all this done before that time. But it's a plan!

 

Ya think???

 

 

 

 

 





 

I need a vacation.......

Rough day. No really. ROUGH day.

Any day is rough when you haven't slept but a few minutes of the night before.......

Started out with getting half way to work and getting a flat tire.

Then I missed seeing a patient because I didn't look at the schedule and she went to dialysis.

Then when I got back to the truck to change the flat tire I had a difficult time loosening the lug nuts.

And THEN Rizzo the cat brought in a mouse and let it go in the house.

35 days until I leave for Disneyland.  35 days. I already cannot sleep because of the butterflies in my tummy. What kind of bags will be under my eyes after 35 days?

I. CANNOT. WAIT!!!

When Pigs Fly

Okeyday. This is a rant. Just so you are forewarned, THIS. IS. A. RANT.

I am usually a pretty even keeled person. Takes a lot to get me mad. Communication is key to any successful relationship. Even if that relationship is a non-relationship.

Today I freakin' BLEW IT. As far as the "it takes a lot to get me mad" thingy. Holy Guacamole. I just about blew my cork.

I have to haul water to my horses. Every day. So I carry a 275 gallon tank in the back of my truck. Which is why I have a Kick-A$$-Haul 9 horses at one time-Big-Girl-Truck. I call him Prince Charming. And I love my truck. No. Really. I LOVE MY TRUCK.

 

The place where I get my water from has these little arrows for making sure all the good little trucks go the same and correct direction. So there isn't any confusion and more importantly, crashes. So I am pulling up to the water pump and some IDIOT MAN pulls in the wrong way and blocks me off.

 

I almost spit nails. Not only did he cut me off, he came within inches of putting a dent in my Prince Charming! Being the lady that I am, (mostly for fear I'd get shot by some redneck, packing idiot), I didn't flip him off, (thought about it but didn't DO it). I didn't jump out of my Big Girl Truck and stomp the living daylights out of him, (thought about it but didn't DO it). I didn't even YELL AT HIM. (Thought about it but I didn't DO it). I just sat and waited my turn, (that he so wrongly stole).

 

But my initial THOUGHT reaction........my anger........really surprised me. I thought I was beyond all that.

 

I am one who does not jump from relationship to relationship. My serious relationships, have gaps between them. Sometimes those gaps are long years apart and some are only a few years apart, but none have ever been less than a year. I just don't think that you should drag the garbage from one relationship right into the next. I thought I was ready. It's been 4 years and I thought I was ready.

 

But today with that one, little, thoughtless, inconsiderate, dangerous and selfish action, that IDIOT MAN brought it all back. I thought I had healed. Apparently not. In that one move, this man, whom I don't even know, made me feel what that last relationship did all over again.

 

The disrespect. The unfairness. The unworthiness. The helplessness. The hopelessness. THE ANGER.

 

I rarely think about him anymore. Oh on occasion I do, but the daily thoughts of trying to figure out the whys and why nots or the 'how come I wasn't enough for him' thoughts, those have dissipated with the past years. At least I thought they had.

 

I never thought that there would ever be a man who could make me stop believing in the power and magic of love. But here I am. Love again?

 

When Pigs Fly.

 

 

Father, please. Please help me to forgive. Truly forgive.