Forever in heaven, forever in my heart.

The rain, sleet and snow has finally stopped. The sun is shining brightly and the mountains are covered with a beautiful snowy cap. The Music Mountains are especially lovely this morning, but like all snow in my part of the country, it will not last but a few days.

The seasons continue to roll and pass. Life goes on with steady monotony and magic.

Rizzo, my big Maine Coon cat, passed away in the early morning hours this day. I was sleeping. I didn't get to hold him while he left this world. I am glad he is no longer suffering, but I will forever regret not being able to be with him while he passed into Jesus's arms. Sometimes being an animal keeper stinks. This is one of those times.

God speed, Rizzo. I know you are with Beeker, Elmo, Grover, Kermit and Oscar. The original kitty boy gang is finally together again.

I will miss you until that day I reach the shores of Heaven, where I KNOW you will be waiting for me.

I love you.

Saying good bye

Sometimes I get frustrated. Lately it seems that frustration is a perpetual state for me and when I am frustrated, I tend to be introspective.

It is especially easy to be introspective when you live alone. Well when you don't live with other humans. My family now consists of a LOT of animals. Caretaker. I am a caretaker, an empath and an INFJ personality type.

I have recently done a lot of research into my personality, who I am, why I act the way I do and what circumstances led me to be who I am. Interesting stuff and one day, I may be able to write about it. But not today.

Having an animal family that depends on you and only you is a difficult task. I took this task on because I AM a caretaker and I hate like heck to see anyone or anything going through a hard time and left on their own. Normally, it is my pride and joy to have so many wonderful animals to love and to love me back. However, when you are changing jobs and building a clientele....well you can see where the frustration can kick in. It is only a matter of time before I shall be making more than what I did prior to this position, but that time is not today.

I was so frustrated the other day, I actually thought, "What in the heck am I doing with all of these animals?", and "Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't have so many?", silly thoughts like that. And then without warning WHAM! Maximoose really starts to fail to the point that I think it won't be long before I have to have him put down, Rizzo goes downhill fast in his battle with the big C, Koko Poco comes up lame to the point that it is effecting her appetite to an almost colic and I lose 2 of my little hens from I don't know what.

Serves me right for ever thinking those thoughts. I love my family and I pray and work hard every day so that they will stay healthy and that I will have the means to provide for them. My heart hurts right now. Oh I know that death is a part of life, none of us will ever get out of that fact, but I don't know how much my heart can take at one time. Being able to do nothing to save my babies from death makes me feel so helpless and so not in control of ANYTHING.

I hate death. I HATE death. And I SO look forward to the day that God has death and Hades and has them thrown into the lake of fire and they will be destroyed and be never more a bother for those of us who choose Jesus and Heaven.

It will be soon that I will have to say good bye to Rizzo. He is fading fast. I have him on pain meds and I am hoping that he will just go to sleep and wake up in Heaven with Rhett, Sebastion, Elmo and Oscar, Beeker and Grover and Thomas. I don't want to put him through what Elmo went through! So many of my loved ones are already there and it breaks my heart that all my family will very likely go before it is my time. It just seems...I don't know. But on the other hand, I am glad and honored even, to be there for these sweet ones. God entrusted ME with these little lives. Sometimes, it is overwhelming.

And frustrating.

Perspective

So much coming at me recently. It is overwhelming and my mind is not always able to take it in and wrap around it in a way that provides a successful outcome.

It is indeed the last days. All this liberal lunacy and socialist agenda here in the United States. President Trump removing troops from Syria and basically leaving Israel without the security we are called to provide. The elections in Israel basically coming to nothing good at all. Alec Baldwin with his ignorance on display on Saturday Night Live. I remember when SNL was actually funny and we watched it to escape reality for a few moments.

Demonic attacks, spiritual warfare, longstanding marriages crumbling, families torn apart, wars and rumors of wars, famine, earthquakes and let's not even START with the problems of my next door neighbors, and of course, California. And here I sit, looking at a bare Christmas tree wondering what ornaments to use this year.

I got the arena up three days ago. It has been raining ever since. Hay is rising in price. Again. I am weary.

Please Father! Is it time for us to come home? When will you call us home? Soon. And very soon.

Homesick

I should be there. Right now. I should be there and enjoying this in person.

Having to reschedule sucks. But thank you to those of you who vlog so I can still see what is going on!

Merry Christmas, Minnie and Mickey!

Just lucky I guess

I cannot believe the videos I have been running across on YouTube. Just when you think it cannot get any worse, you find THIS.

Hahahahahahahahaha! My side hurts.

Laughter is good for the soul!

Okay. So call me weird. I love to laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah....everyone loves to laugh. But?

I love to laugh at other peoples pain. Mostly other GUYS pain. I am a total sadistic man hater.

No I don't actually hate men. I love men. I just don't want one living around my house and telling me what I can and cannot do or what I can and cannot have. Men do that to me. A LOT. So I have horses instead.

Horses work for me. Why you ask? Well, here is my list:

#1:     They never complain about what I fix for dinner. Never once in all the years I have had horses has one of them looked at me when I came into the barn and said, "WHAT?! HAY for dinner AGAIN???"

#2:     They actually LIKE to sleep in the barn. Therefore, I don't have to share my closet.

#3.     If all the time I have to give them this week is one hour on Saturday, they don't mind at all. (Try that with a guy.)

#4:     They don't mind wearing pink or purple or any combination of the two. (My fave colors!)

#5:     They nicker at me when they see me come home. Not wolf whistle or be gross. They are just happy to see me.

#6:     They never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give me a difficult time no matter how much money I spend on myself or on them.

So yeah. I love having horses and laughing at men. I am sharing my latest find on YouTube for your enjoyment. Laughter at a man's expense.

Fa la la la la....get me out of here

Oh my head hurts.

Christmas and every blogger and vlogger has their Christmas tree decorating video up already. Me? I am just happy to make it to November alive. Maybe not well, but at least alive.

I was working with a patient yesterday whose Mommy had strep throat. Sooooo guess what? I have a sore throat tonight. My head is about to explode in pain and I am as cranky as one can get.

This afternoon I spent crying while sitting on Vanna's grave site. Buddy and Lizzie and Maximoose were so worried and right there beside me. I couldn't figure out why I was in such a bad and sad mood. Now with my throat being sore, I've a pretty good idea of what was going on.

I spent this evening watching YouTube videos on Christmas decorations. Some from this year and some from years past. I cannot believe these vloggers. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE uses the same voice. Well cadence anyways. The inflection of their narrative is exactly the same and I absolutely abhor the cheeriness and 'cuteness' factor they use when delivering their stories about how they did this and did that. Every. Single. One. I almost barfed.

Everyone changing colors in decor and adding this and taking away that. I almost threw my shoe through my Smart TV which is one thing I truly love in my home. I don't know how I would live without that thing now-a-days.

 

(My apparently boring tree)

I must really be sick for me to even THINK that.

So between getting sick to my stomach over the saccharine sweetness of stupid narratives and my head exploding, I figured out what I would like to do for my Christmas decorating. Not that I can afford to change much this year, what with the change in jobs and building up a decent caseload of patients, but I did get some inexpensive ideas by traveling back and forth between YouTube and Pinterest. I even had some ideas of my very own.

Now if only I can get motivated to DO anything.

Did I mention I don't feel well? Yeah. That too.

Finally found my theme song!

Yep. This guy nailed it!

Me. Totally ME.

Big M....Little m....what begins with Mm???

Remember that book?

You know. Dr Seuss's ABCs. The one that you memorized when you were a kid because the rhymes were fun and the pictures fanciful and your imagination went wild.

Big M....Little m....What begins with M?
              Many mumbling MICE.
                        Making midnight music in the moonlight.
                                      Mighty nice!

Unless they are making midnight music in your kitchen, that is. Dr. Seuss forgot to MENTION that. (Mention for M, get it?!)

So last week, my refrigerator died. It did that whilst I was not at home. It stunk up the house by the time I returned, so after emptying the contents into the trash, out it went to sit on the porch until I get it cleaned and rid of the electronics. Then it shall be used, placed on it's back for containing the grain which I feed my horses. I needed something impenetrable by the rodent population and I think this will be it.

There was a RAT hole under the fridge. GROSS and SHUDDERS! But at least I know where these varments are getting in now. Plugged that hole and cleaned. And cleaned. And cleaned some more. Of course my kitchen, after working 7 full months at a 12 to 18 hour a day job, 7 days a week, looked like a bomb had exploded in it. Quite forgotten until I ran out of forks or glasses and then begrudgingly, I would wash dishes. I think the only thing that got done on a regular basis was taking the trash out, but in reality, that did little to improve the quality of cleanliness so missing in my little home. No wonder he felt like he could move in and stay awhile.

But mind you, this was not that CUTE rat with the teddy bear that surfs the internet. This was an ugly pack rat that kept stealing my forks, ( I KNEW I hadn't used that many forks!),  the lids to my jars, my avocados if I left them on the counter. He even moved plastic storage containers in the bottom cabinet. He left evidence in that bottom cabinet as well as under that dead fridge. No wonder my cats sit in front of the fridge and stare at it all day.

Once I got everything cleaned and plugged, I was pretty pleased. But upon rising the next morning, there it was. Mouse doodoos. ON MY COUNTER.

Now I love Beatrix Potter and all her fanciful characters, but this is no Hunka Munka sweeping clean with a tiny broom! This is a messy little creature that has no consideration for anyone's property. I don't think I would mind a Beatrix Potter mouse, but noooooo.....I get the unemployed, unmotivated, Joe's apartment type visitor who simply doesn't want to leave. My cats are useless wienies.

So I put out snap traps. And that little thing cleaned the mechanism spotless and failed the snap to trap. wtf??? Soooooo....I got sticky traps. Loaded the center with peanut butter. Totally new to this type of trap. Have never used it before. And I have news for you. I will not ever use it again. Have you ever heard a little mousie scream? At 11:30 at night?

It is a horror movie right there. In your own kitchen.

I find this little creature with his/her backside glued to the trap and the front end desperately pulling on the counter and trying to run with the trap hanging on its bombasitty. Poor thing! So here I am in my PJs in freezing weather, with a screaming mousie butt glued to a sticky trap in one hand and a bottle of olive oil in the other, standing outside in my bare feet and no coat. Pouring olive oil on the trap to disengage that poor screaming mousie from this awful ordeal!

It wouldn't come off. Even with a shake. And I might have a tender heart, but it only goes so far. Especially when I am standing barefoot in 28* weather, with no coat on, wind blowing through my PJs and I am shivering worse than Jack in Titanic. So I place the trap by the goat and pig barn with an oily mousie and leave it there. If it works, fine. The little guy is saved. If not, then at least I will not likely hear mousie screams all night long.

In the morning, after cleaning and bleaching and cleaning and bleaching the counter top, I skip outside to find that little guy was gone. I can only assume that he got off the trap. If something had tried to EAT him, that sticky trap would be glued to someones nose and would not be there.

Two nights later? THERE IS MOUSE DOODOO ON MY COUNTER!!! Heeeee's baaack!!! And to beat all, the peanut butter is gone from the sticky traps. That little guy was probably so oily he just slickly walked across all of those traps and had a feast.

I should have just....I can't even bring myself to say it. The only thing I kill easily are flies.

I loaded more traps. Both snappy and sticky. I don't care HOW I get rid of it, but it will be gotten rid of. I even looked on YouTube and found THIS idea.....

This person left the bottom dry and let the mousies he caught go. All I can say is, "Been there! Done that!" And I am not doing that again. I am filling my bucket half full of water and hope that little mouse is not wearing a life jacket. Cruel and unusual punishment, I know. But better than having them on your counter and leaving their evidence behind.

I can't believe I am doing this. Farm girl be danged. I just hate killing things if I don't have to. I will probably have nightmares for YEARS remembering that terrified little mouse with his buttinski stuck to that glue board. Best to just do him in and get it over with.

Who am I trying to convince? If I find him drowning, I will most likely let him go again. I hope he gets dead real quick.

Beatrix Potter and Dr. Seuss are rolling in their graves right now. I am just SURE of it.