New toys...

So I went shopping today. For the usual stuff, things one needs to survive like PEOPLE food. I got the horses, dogs, cats and birds food last week, but I just did not seem to get around to getting myself stocked up. Sooooo...I did that today.

As usual, I also picked up Doggy Treats and Birdy Treats. Then on my way home, I stopped by the local ARK store as it is just around the corner from the grocers. It has been some time since I shopped for toys for Scarlett and Rhett, (last time I did this, we lived in Colorado!), and the toys they currently have either have the stuffings pulled out of them or are so dirty they will never come clean again.

I have happy dogs.

 

Scarlett is getting so gray, as is Rhett, but somehow the gray shows up so much better on black then it does on yellow. I love these two dogs. I do not know how I would have managed the last 10 years without them. Seems like just last week when Scarlett was so tiny and roly poly she couldn't get up even one step on the porch. And my heart will always remember the day Rhett helped her to find the toy I had thrown on the upper landing that she couldn't locate. He has the most amazingly sweet heart!

 

They deserve a truckload of toys. But they are just happy to have their basket full with CLEAN toys again. Actually? It is me that likes the clean. They just like having something to carry around...

 





Behavioral Disorders???

This is a difficult blog to write. In reality, I am writing this for my own benefit.....to help me understand and most importantly.....to remind me to forgive.

Jesus is very clear in His commandments. We are to forgive others. It is not an option, it is a command. (Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.....)



But there are times that we are ALL human and times when forgiving someone for the wrong they have done to us seems impossible. But is that really true?

It is easy to bury things. Deep inside where no one else sees and where you do not have to deal with it. But it is there and every once in a while, something will happen, a situation at work or watching a scene in a store, and BAM! There it is. Right smack dab in front of you and you realize that you need to forgive that person all over again.

But that is okay. Jesus loves me with a never ending love. I am precious in His sight. He sacrificed Himself, so that I could have eternal forgiveness. A fact that I do not take lightly. If He said to forgive others as we have been forgiven, I have a huge responsibility to do exactly that.  Forgive and forget? Easier said than done! There are days where I find I have to forgive on a moment to moment basis.

Today at work, I had a most difficult patient. Someone who is dealing with things that are overwhelming and mentally, they are not able to process and because of that, they are making poor choices in coping strategies. My heart goes out to this person. Life is never easy. But it brought to mind another that I have known and chose to remove from my life. Some people, if you allow them, will destroy you. Sometimes, you have to heed that still small voice that tells you to get out and save yourself.

Research tonight.....because I cannot sleep for want of answers. Answers that may never come, but education helps to clarify.....SOMETIMES, IT REALLY ISN'T YOUR FAULT.

Here is what I found.
 
1.    " Antisocial personality disorder is a type of chronic mental condition in which a person's ways of thinking, perceiving situations and relating to others are dysfunctional — and destructive. People with antisocial personality disorder typically have no regard for right and wrong and often disregard the rights, wishes and feelings of others.

Those with antisocial personality disorder tend to antagonize, manipulate or treat others either harshly or with callous indifference. They may often violate the law, landing in frequent trouble, yet they show no guilt or remorse. They may lie, behave violently or impulsively, and have problems with drug and alcohol use. These characteristics typically make people with antisocial personality disorder unable to fulfill responsibilities related to family, work or school. "

Interesting, but although this was true to some degree, there was more lurking and so I found this.....

2. Characteristics of Sociopathic Liars   (http://www.ehow.com/list_6026088_characteristics-sociopathic-liars.html/

"A sociopath is a person who has no conscience but has effectively learned how to manage his way through a life where few people can detect that they are different than him. Sociopaths are often charming and likable, but they can be frightening in their tactics, such as lying, to get what they want when they want it.

A sociopath more often than not has the rest of society fooled with his brash and coldhearted ability to have no remorse or guilt--no matter who the person he is affecting is--and to have no care about the well-being of others. A sociopath has no conscience and, therefore, has a make-believe step-by-step scenario life of doing whatever she wants and covering it up with a false sense of sincerity by masking that anything about her (and her psychological makeup) may be different than you.

A sociopath's job is to get as much thrill out of his victim as he can, but not get caught. They manipulate, cheat, lie and color situations for no purpose but to get some satisfaction out of the fact that they can bring another person down, and easily. To someone who has no conscience, it is easy to tell a little white lie about a co-worker, to manipulate a lover and make them feel inferior, or to make promises to get people on her side, only to find that those promises were false. This is all easy to do because the person has nothing within him telling him that it is morally wrong."

WOW. Getting a LOT closer!

3. Compulsive Pathological Lying  (http://datingasociopath.com/sociopath-character-traits/compulsive-lying/sociopath-is-a-pathological-liar/)

"All sociopaths lie. Most people tell the odd white lie. You might lie about why you are late for work to your boss. You might embellish the truth sometimes. You might lie to save somebody else’s feelings and to not hurt them.
The sociopath is in another category of lying. The sociopath is a compulsive, pathological liar. The sociopath lies about EVERYTHING. In fact, the sociopath lies more often than they tell the truth. They find it easier to lie, than they do to be honest.
Sociopaths lie for the following reasons

• For protection – to create a false persona of who they really are
• So that you do not find out about them and their past
• So that they can manipulate and deceive you, for their own gain
• To be in control
• To lure you into a false sense of security, so that you become addicted to them
• Telling you all that you want to hear
• They don’t care about you or your feelings, winning and being in control, is the most important thing
• They suffer from boredom easily
• To gain sympathy and play victim
• They find it easier to lie than to tell the truth
• The sociopath feels safer behind the lie. The lie is the sociopaths friend and is the sociopaths mask of protection

Sociopaths lie to deceive, manipulate and to get what they want. They lie to obtain things from people by deception. Their lies can be outrageous. It is true that the more outrageous the lie, the more likely it is that it will be believed.  At the end, when the truth comes out, the victim is left spinning, and absolutely confused.
The sociopath will start lying from day one. You, to the sociopath are a target. The sociopath is the predator. The sociopath will assess you to see if you have what they want. If you do, they will mirror you, to be the person that you are looking to find, to build false trust, so that you will allow them close."

I have never been one to believe in Psychology. I have always believed that it relieves people of their responsibility of what they are and the choices they have made. I have heard over and over again the excuses, "I am this way because I was mistreated or abused as a child!" "It was my Dad's fault!" "It was my Mom's fault!"



We all have had difficulties in life. My own childhood had things I can misconstrue to the world as being abusive, but you know what? My mom did the best she could with what knowledge she had and what she had on hand. My choices, good or bad, are still my own and not the result of anything that has happened to me. We ARE who we choose to be!

.I STILL believe that, but finding all of the above, allows me to know that I am not the only one who has dealt or is dealing with someone of this nature. So what will be my response to someone who is choosing to behave in this fashion?

Shall I hide? Stop living? Stop fulfilling the purpose God placed in my heart? Shall I fight? Yell and scream and write nasty and untrue things about them in my blogs?

MAY IT NEVER BE!  

I shall forgive. Again and again, if I have to. And I shall pray. I will pray for you until I have no breath left in my body. I will pray that at sometime, somehow Jesus will grab your heart and save you from the destruction you are creating. I don't care how He does it, the means are totally up to Him, but I pray with all my heart and soul, that you will bow to Him and be healed.

Another FairyTale comes true...

I was just asked by another of my girlfriends if I would do the flowers for her wedding.

I love weddings. I love everything they represent. I love the hopes and the dreams. I love watching someone, two people become one in the covenant relationship that God the Father ordained and set in motion. I love my friend, Karissa. So yeah. No brainer. I am doing the flowers for her wedding.

We are still in the beginning stages. Although she has chosen colors, I don't even know the date yet, but I have already an idea of what she is going to like. Karissa and I have been through a lot. She deserves the best and I hope with all my heart, this marriage will be the end of an era of sorrow and loss and be the beginning of the fulfillment of those hopes and dreams that were so cruelly snatched from her. I look forward to seeing more into her heart and creating bouquets that reflect her heart.

So while I was looking in my floral files on the computer, I thought I would share a couple of my  favorite wedding bouquets I have been honored to make for friends...

This is Lacey. Lacey and I met just as she was turning 14 and came to my riding and boarding stables. She was a junior riding instructor for me and I consider her a daughter of my heart...

 

I loved the colors she chose...purple and turquoise! I had so much fun putting these together and the best compliment I received was hearing her tell someone at the wedding, "The flowers were EXACTLY what I wanted!" I used Antique Dutch Hydrangeas, deep purple lysianthus and lavender Ecuadorian roses. I placed Swarovski crystal brooches in her bouquet and finished it with peacock feathers. I also used peacock feathers in the boutonnieres and corsages. I got to do all her bridesmaids bouquets as well! I had SO much fun as I don't always get to work with REAL flowers. Such a treat!

 

 

My friend, Laura, chose to have me craft her bouquet from her wedding dress from her first wedding. Her husband passed away, and she raised her children on her own. When her kids were raised, Laura met the love of her life and began again, so it seemed fitting that we should use her first wedding dress because we knew that her first husband would not only approve of this marriage, but be with her as she walked down the aisle...

 

 

 

I used so many vintage fabrics in her bouquet. Many years ago, I had been to an estate auction where I had found an old tattered box of laces. Some were wound on old postcards, others preserved between tissue paper. Some of those postcards were dated back to the late 1800s! I also snagged some brocades at that same auction and incorporated those as well. The brooches were sent to me by Laura and each had some special meaning for her and her daughter, who served as her Maid of Honor. They called me when the bouquets arrived at her home and I could hardly understand what they were saying between the tears... I am glad Laura was happy with these, because many prayers and good thoughts went into each stitch I sewed.

 

 

I look forward to what I can create for Karissa. And I guess I have to admit that I am a tad envious. Like the song says, "I guess I must be wishing on someone else's star. It seems that someone else keeps getting what I'm wishing for"...

 

I did a stupid thing a while back. I was feeling lonely, a new town, a new job...so I joined one of those dating sites for mature people. I just thought it would be nice to find someone who wanted to hit the trails on horseback, but HOLY GUACAMOLE! Do NOT believe it when they say mature men...that was just plain SCARY.

 



 

I paid for a month, but ended up deleting my profile a week in and wasted that money because I simply got scared. Dating is not what it used to be. Apparently, I am too old fashioned for that sort of venue. I was spoken to in the most ungentlemanly like manner, pressured to meet guys before I even got to know their last names, propositioned for....well anyways, it was TOTALLY not for me!

 

Unfortunately, the one man I met that was a true possibility of becoming something more, got left behind in my haste to get the heck out of there. (HOWEVER, I have noticed that he has found my website and business FaceBook page, so I am hopeful that we can begin a friendship and see what transpires. We shall see, eh?)

 

In the meantime, I will dream of making Karissa's bouquets and live vicariously. It is a lot safer that way.

 









Coming home to Arizona...

Well, I have set the date! For going back to Colorado and picking up my last 3 horses and 2 GoatBoys and bringing them home to Arizona, that is...

This is Red and Blue...my infamous GoatBoys. They LOVE to ride in the truck and are sticking their faces in the window of my truck in this photo. Kinda gives you an idea of how LARGE they are. They have grown since I took this photo 5 years ago. A LOT.

This is Boo. I call her BooBoo horse. I have no idea what her real name is. Once upon a time, a person with whom I worked with called me and said..."Someone is giving me a horse and I don't have a place to keep it!" And naturally I replied with, "Well, you can keep it at my place until you get settled and find a good stables." Famous last words. I got home, there was this new horse at my place. I never saw the person again. I have no idea where she came from, what her history is, how old she is...NOTHING. But I love her to pieces. She is the sweetest thing I have ever known. She will be with me until the end of her life, because every horse deserves to be loved by a little girl and I have a lot of little girls hanging around my place.....

Noooooo.....the picture is not fuzzy. She always looks like this. (Not really) But this is my little Siri`. Siri` is a Norwegian Fjord. Fjords are a short and squat draft breed. Although they are usually about 14 hands in height, (like many of my Arabians), they are chunky, stocky and EXTREMELY athletic! You would not think it, but little Ms Siri` is quite the jumper. She is also the Alpha Mare in my herd. No one, I repeat, NO ONE, (except Houdini) messes with Siri`. I will be glad to welcome her home.

I do not have a photo of Jahzz. Jahzz is new to my herd. He is another Arabian gelding and is just 4 years old...same as Mojo! He is a lovely bay and I am eager to get him here to start his training. I have plans for Jahzz, Mojo and Pink to all head to the Scottsdale Arabian Show sometime in the future...we shall see if this works. Or if they kill me during the training process...

If all goes well, my little family shall all be together again by Thanksgiving.

It will be the best Thanksgiving present I have ever gotten....

Get your Mojo risin'...

So beautiful this morning. Crisp and clear. I just stood and looked at the mountains when I came outside. AB.SO.LUTE.LY perfect. Did I mention that I love fall?!

The horses were calling to me, so I loaded up the barrow and headed out to the barn to feed. Nickers and snorts, pawing and ears back...everyone so glad to see me! Or at least glad to see hay. Nothing like being appreciated :0O

About an hour later, I went out and let everyone out of stalls and into the pasture area. It is always so fun to watch these guys barrel out of the turnout! Sort of like watching a dam explode, but my favorites to watch are always the babies. Little Pink is growing daily and is almost as big as Koko now. And my little Mojo is not really all that little any longer. He came busting out of his stall and showing off as he whizzed by, tossing that red mane and snorting. SO cute! He hit the gate bucking and tooting and proceeded to run the entire property just as randomly and fast as he could. I laughed and encouraged him and he just fed off it!



I love this little red horse. He is a constant source of wonder for me. I still remember how spooky and scared he was when I first met him. I look at that shiny coat and remember the dull hair he had when I first saw him. I see that elegant head and neck and remember in my minds eye how HUGE his head was in comparison to that starved little body. I thought for sure he was deformed from malnourishment! But grow he did and although he is not as tall as Houdini, he bypassed Czeerz and Mossimo a long time ago. He hasn't Bears girth, but he has his height. Been a long time coming.

Mojo BACK THEN

 

Later as I finished dishes and was thinking about getting ready for church, I looked out the window to see Mojo laying on his side out in the field. Others were grazing around him but he was just laying there. I thought at first he was sunning himself, but that thought had hardly passed through my mind when he sat up and started biting at his tummy.

OH NO! I am never prepared, regardless of how prepared I am, to deal with one of my babies being sick.

I grabbed a halter and headed out. As the other horses heard me coming, they began to run to me because my pockets are usually full of peppermints, but right now, I had purpose and they seemed to understand that. Mojo stood up, and rather than avoiding me, as is his normal wont, he came to me slowly, head down and obviously in pain.

What. The. Heck? Gut sounds, but faint. No fever, but respirations were elevated. He was grinding his teeth. Back to the barn we go and I tie him in his stall, grab his grooming tools and start to work, singing softly as I brush him.

I know what you are thinking. CRAZY lady! But this is what I do. When I have gut sounds, most times, if I brush and sing, my horses calm down enough and relax enough to where things can get moving again. This time was no different. Mojo calmed down, gut sounds came back on both sides and were strong. I let him off the halter and watched.

No sooner than I breathed a sigh of relief, Mojo dropped and started to roll again. So back on the halter and into the fridge for banamine. Of which I had none. My bottle is still in Colorado with the other horses! It is SUNDAY! No vets open! So I did what any country girl would do. I called my nearest horse neighbor and of course she set off down the lane with a shot of banamine for my little Mojo. In the meantime, Mojo pooped and although it was not as moist as I would have liked, it wasn't slimy and that was a big relief.

After the infamous shot in the backside with the banamine, Mojo and I walked and then I brushed him and went through our calming routine again. It took a long time, but worth the effort.

We are not out of the woods yet, but he is doing well.  I will not be sleeping well tonight. Some days seem to go on forever, but he is calm, is drinking and pooping. Good moist poop and I like that.

He is so special. I just know he is going to be an awesome reiner someday. And he so loves those kids....God blessed me really good when He found this horse for me. I will be forever grateful...

Houdini and Mojo



 



Make it do or do without...An answer to a Pinterest problem

One of my all-time favorite movies...I remember waiting all year for this to come on television! So magical and with such a lovely message. There really IS no place like home!

As yesterday was Halloween, the Rehab gang and I dressed up as characters from the Wizard of Oz. Something the older folks at the center would readily recognize and remember. JM was the TinMan, Missy was the Cowardly Lion, S was the ScareCrow, ECL went as the Wizard, (although he would only consent to wearing a wizard hat that resembled the Sorcerer's Apprentice rather than Oz, but at least he DID that!). I got to go as Dorothy and Scarlett came along as Toto.

I love the heart!

Scarlett and I won the costume contest! Although I looked like a 200 pound Dorothy and Scarlett did a good imitation of Toto on steroids, we won the contest! Personally? I think it was Toto and the Fabulous Ruby Slippers that did it!



I followed some Pinterest directions, (with a few twists of my own), and ended up with the below results! They sparkled and sparkled all day long without leaving a trail of glitter all over the facility. They were absolutely perfect and everyone kept asking me where I had purchased them.

 



 

I actually got a new pair of shoes from the local GoodWill store, because I didn't want to purchase even a $20 pair of shoes and never wear them again. I mean for reals. Will I EVER wear these again? I seriously doubt it. So I broke the cardinal rule of never, ever purchasing used shoes. But when I got to the store, first thing I saw were these...

 

 

I could not believe it...they hadn't even been worn! The bottoms of the shoes were not even scuffed...

 

 

 

Easy peasy directions...because everything on Pinterest was complicated and of course, I did not have all of that stuff available...

 

1. If your shoes are shiny pleather or a smooth surface, (as mine were), rough them up a bit. I couldn't find sandpaper anywhere in my stash of craft supplies, so I ended up using EMERY BOARDS, of all things. I scuffed the patent pleather surface so there would be a good surface the glue would actually adhere to. Emery boards worked fine.

 

2. Cover your shoes in glue. Every direction said you HAD to use special types of glue or mix the glue with Modge Podge. I had spray Modge Podge, but not the mixy inny type, so I didn't add that. I also didn't have craft glue but I DID have some white glue left over from the trip to the Dollar Tree. So I used it. I applied it with a foam brush...because I had one on hand. I let one layer get tacky and then I applied another layer on top of that. I did the WHOLE surface that I intended to glitter at one time.

 

3. Apply glitter to the tacky surface. Every Pinterest direction said you should use fine glitter. Wrong. I did not HAVE fine glitter. I had the regular glitter you can find readily anywhere. So I used it. It was great. After I glittered the shoes, (and the entire craft room table, floor and the 2 cats), I waited until they dried and did the entire process again so I could cover any spots I missed the first go around. It worked fine. (The original Ruby Slippers were made with sequins and there were lots of directions for that on Pinterest as well, but again, I did not have that on hand, nor was I going to purchase it for wearing ONE DAY in my life time...)

 

4. Once THAT dried, I took the glittered shoes out to the front porch, sat them on newspaper and sprayed them with the 'I had it on hand' spray Modge Podge. Several times, allowing them to dry between coats. I was afraid that the Modge Podge would not allow the glitter to...well GLITTER, but it didn't do that at all. Those were the most sparkling shoes you ever did see! I fell in love with them because when I banged them on the concrete to get rid of the extra glitter only a few specks fell off.

 

5. I cut little cardboard bows and glittered them red as well. Then when the cardboard bows dried, I made a bead of glue around the edges and glittered that line of glue in a silver glitter. Once that dried I Modge Podged that and when THAT dried, I hot glued the cardboard bow on the actually shoes.

 

6. I wanted a princess cut red ruby in the middle of the bow, like the original Ruby Slippers had, but alas! All I had was some round geegaws, but at least they were red! So I hot glued those in the middle of the bows as well. And the below photos show the results...

 

SPARKLE LITTLE #RUBYSLIPPERS, SPARKLE!

 

 

   MINE->         <- HERS

                                                                                  

                                                                                  

 



 

The original Ruby Slippers, according to everything I read, were actually not very brightly colored at all! They had to 'dull' them down in the filming of the movie because they were SO bright, they actually made it impossible to film them. They are now owned by Leonardo DiCaprio...(what the heck?) and I have no idea why he would even want them. But I won't speculate on that...

 

So remember, my little blogging and Pinerest following friends, you needn't have ALL of the things they list in those recipes. Sometimes you CAN nail it by substituting what you DO have. Happy creating!

 



 

 

 

 



 







Happy Birthday to a VERY special young man...

I was late at work tonight and as I was writing a note that required a date further on in the week it hit me...

34 years ago. THIRTY FOUR YEARS AGO...the 29th of October fell on a Wednesday. I know it sounds like a silly thing to remember, but that little fact brought back a flood of wonderful memories and feelings. You see, 34 years ago I was married, I was expecting my first baby.

We were living in a tiny house. 2 bedrooms and it wasn't in the nicest of neighborhoods. I had stopped working outside the home and had begun a small childcare business so that I would be home to raise my little one. I remember being so uncomfortable. I could not lay down for any length of time, my back hurt so bad! I thought I had developed a kidney infection, but in reality, it was back labor...contractions that I was feeling in my back. At the time, I had not even known that "back labor" existed.

Friday, October 31, 1980, I had the regular children, all 6 of them and we had been working on jack-o-lanterns and decorations all week long in anticipation of a promised Halloween party that day. I know I have photos of little Christopher running the egg race with his little thumb doing the no-no of holding that egg in the spoon...somewhere in a box of old photos that have somehow never made it to an album or scrapbook. Jeanine in her witch outfit, Jonathon in his Lone Ranger outfit...they are all in there and I can see them as clearly today as I did that day.

The party was so much fun! The kids had a blast and when they were all finally picked up and shuttled home by parents, I was beat! I remember that my husband came home from work on time that day and found me laying on the bed, simply not able to get comfortable and just absolutely tired. He answered the door a million and one times, handing out candy and in-between trick-or-treaters checking on me. I did not sleep well that night. Every time I dozed off, my back started hurting and the only way to relieve the pain was to sit up. I. Was. Exhausted!

The next day, November 1, my parents arrived from out of town. My Daddy had made my little one a cradle from an old oak wine barrel and had entered it into the State Fair and it had taken the "Best of Show" and "Grand Champion" ribbons, along with a first place. We would not be able to remove the cradle for another week, but that was okay, as the baby was not due until way later in the month. So off to the Fair we all went. Grandpa, Grandma, my hubby and myself.

THAT was a BIG fair. We must have walked a million miles and for the life of me, I had to keep stopping and resting. Totally a pain in the neck because I was holding up the gang from seeing everything! After the Fair, we went home and we graciously gave my parents our bed and we slept in a SINGLE BED in the other bedroom. I remember praying that night flippantly..."Well God. If I am going to have this baby anytime soon, I REALLY need to get some sleep!"

Oddly enough? I slept like a baby. All night long. In a single bed. With my husband. How? I have NO earthly idea.

In the morning, Mom and Daddy were packing up the car and I told Mom..."I sure wish you would stay. I think I am going to have this baby today." We laughed and off they drove to their home
 4 hours ...2 and 1/2 hours away. (My Dad was driving). They left and my hubby immediately went to the bedroom and took over the bed. I lay down on the couch. And turned. And turned. And...MY WATER BROKE.

All over. No warning. Just EVERYWHERE. Gushing out and making a really BIG mess. I called out to my husband and reached for the phone and dialed the doctor. I was alarmed, but not scared. We hadn't even had but one Lamaze class so THIS was really inconvenient!

The doctor gasped and told me to get to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. And we would have, but, we had no health insurance and had been paying the hospital a sum each month so we would have the birth paid for prior to the little one's arrival. We still owed money! My husband was in a tizzy, so my mother-in-law came over to drive us to the hospital. We stopped at the ATM on the way up and got what cash we could from there and off to the hospital we went! When we got there, they were waiting with a wheel chair and they whisked me away, while my husband filled out paper work.

He eventually showed up in the labor room. We couldn't even let my parents, who were still on the road, know that I had started labor. This was WAY before cell phones! The nurses kept coming in and checking me and giving us updates. Somewhere in that time, my mother-in-law was able to reach my parents and let them know and somewhere around 3:30 the nurse came and told us..."Oh it is going to be a while yet!" and off she went!

5 minutes later I told my husband to get the nurse and it was so funny because he said..."She JUST checked you...she SAID it would be a while yet!", but get her he did because I insisted. The nurse came, peeked under the sheet and gasped! Ran out of the room, ran back INTO the room with another nurse and started wheeling me into the Delivery room. Doc Epstein was already there and asked if he had time to wash his hands...."IF YOU HURRY" was the reply.

My son, Joshua, was born at 3:54 pm on November 2, 1980. I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. When they took him from me to put him in an oxygen tent because of complications, I felt cheated and empty, bereft...I had him with me for so long! I did not want to be without him!

I eventually got to see him about 6 hours later, when they brought him to me for feeding. He was so tiny! 5 pounds, 6 ounces...red and wrinkly...he resembled a little troll, and absolutely the most precious thing I have ever known.

I have never forgotten those feelings of that day and holding him for the first time. I had never known love like that before and have never loved like that ever again. A son will always, for all time, hold his mother's heart in a way he will never understand.



I named him Joshua. Because that is my favorite character in the Bible. I remember as a teen, reading about Moses death and God speaking to #Joshua as he stood on that mountain and looked into the promised land. I cannot even imagine his fear. His leader was dead and he was being asked to accomplish this monumental task of leading these whiney, bratty, ungrateful people into the promise of God the Father. How would he ever accomplish this? And do you know what God told him?

"Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

I wanted that for my little man. I wanted him to have the courage of Joshua...to have the faith of Joshua and to be a mighty warrior like Joshua. I wanted him to have the blessing and favor of the Almighty Creator. And to this day, I pray that it will be so.

I love my son. Regardless of what has happened in his life, things that have separated us, miles and other situations that keep us apart. I LOVE MY SON and I shall never, ever stop praying for him.

So many memories.....