Welcome to a new year.............

Yesterday, it snowed. A LOT. In Arizona!

I came home early yesterday, as I got in early to work anticipating a heavy patient case load. Lo and behold, an extra therapist showed up so that left me 2 patients less to see, so like.........YAYNESS!!!

But coming home in blizzard conditions and feeding horses in the snow, brought back bad memories. As I trudged back and forth, getting blankets on the old girls, hauling hot water for soaking the pellets, dragging the wheel barrow instead of pushing it through the ever mounting snow........



I guess it was inevitable that I would dream those dreams when I fell into bed last night. It is 5 pm on New Years Day and the sadness and icky feelings are still with me.

I have never spoken too much about the reasons the marriage did not work. I don't think it is at all classy to do such a thing and I have seen so many people trash the other involved when a relationship comes to an end........so very sad. There is always 2 sides to every story and how can anyone be certain of what another's' reasoning was when they did what they did and what their motives were?



I don't think anyone but God can know those things. But what I do know, is that the breakup left me feeling used and worthless, sad and at times, angry. Angry because I moved all the way to Colorado and put everything I had into a relationship that had obviously so little value to the other party involved. Sad, because I trusted and proved my trust by changing my entire life for this relationship and for what? Everyone, including God Almighty says, forgive and forget. But it isn't that easy and forgiveness is something that happens every day in my world. Forgetting is even more difficult because memories happen every day.

That last year in Colorado was bad. The whole situation left me in a position where over 1/2 of my paycheck was paying for health insurance that wasn't my own, resulting in having little left to support myself. I found myself a small and VERY rustic home. It wasn't insulated, it had no central heat, no stove or refridge, no gas and no running water. It hadn't been occupied for a good 4 years and was rat and mouse infested, it needed cleaning up or rather, mucking out before I could even THINK about moving in. I spent a MONTH cleaning with a face mask on for fear of contracting hantavirus, which had already claimed the life of a Denver man earlier in the year. What it DID have was electricity and a wood burning stove, (not hooked up) and 40 acres of dead pine trees for firewood that the owners were more than happy to have me cut and use. I skipped eating for a week and bought the stuff to hook that wood burning stove up, and thanks to Ace Hardware guys and their advice, I had a working wood burning stove.

I have always been a pretty independent person, so it was a humbling experience when friends pitched in and helped me out. Beth and Kevin hooked up the water situation to a reservoir tank, so that although I would have to haul water to the tank, I would have water for the house. Kevin did plumbing work to enable me to have running water, although I did not have a water heater and would have to heat water. Annemarie, Tony and Richard helped me move horse panels, horses and what household items I had. Beverly helped me clean. And clean. AND CLEAN. Kevin and Gary cut wood for me. Not once. But TWICE. Cords and cords of it.



It snowed a LOT beginning in October and lasting until March. It was COLD. I moved all my dogs, cats and birds into the one room with the wood burning stove and I slept in my big club chair, taped off the windows with black plastic to keep the cold air from coming in. I heated water on the wood burning stove and cooked on my little electric hotplate. I hauled water in my pickup for 10 horses, 3 dogs, 3 cats, Noah and Stimpy and myself. I trudged through snow that was at times 2 feet deep to feed and water twice a day. Luckily for me, the facility I worked at offered employees lunch for a buck a day. Each payday, I bought a ten dollar ticket and ate my biggest meal a day there. I shopped strictly at The Dollar Tree and lived on beans and rice. I washed clothes in the sink and when I could afford to, at the laundry mat. I determined to move BACK to a warmer climate and prayed. I put in one application and before I could put in another, I had a job waiting for me in Kingman, Arizona.

My little family and I live in Kingman, Arizona now. We have heat and running water. We have a stove and a fridge. We have dog food and cat food and hay and people food too. I have a job I LOVE going to and friends across the street.

It rarely snows here. So maybe I won't have to remember.

Welcome to a new year and a new life.

A Rehabilitation Christmas....

I am a Christmas Addict.

I admit it! No one is safe from my Holly Jolly Christmas spirit! Not even at my work place!!! But you see.....................the Christmas spirit is meant to be shared!

You cannot even imagine how difficult it is to be recovering from a broken hip or a broken shoulder, recovering from a total knee replacement or struggling to recover from a stroke or other illness and be STUCK in an unfamiliar and seemingly cold place as a Rehabilitation Center during Christmas time.

So I make it my rehab business to cheer everyone up and get them involved in decorating for the season. I use each project within the scope of their rehab, what they need to recover to be able to go home, such as balance and fine motor skills needed for dressing or cooking. Rehab work does not always have to be just lifting weights and exercise! It becomes such fun to get well in this way and takes their minds off of the pain and the problems and brings back memories of childhood Christmas past.

So I thought I would share these photos with you and with myself also, so that they can be looked at and remembered in the months and the year to come..............

We started with painting and glittering snowy pinecones...

 

then we added strings of popcorn and cranberries and made snowballs...

 

Next we made fan ornaments with sheet music, toilet paper rolls and bits of shiny garland...

 

We added spicy gumdrops, hot glued to a Styrofoam ball and hung them from ribbons...

 

 Poinsettias made from...would you believe? Toilet paper rolls, red paint and glitter!

 

Tiny stars, bells and crosses made from applesauce and cinnamon dough. They made our rehab gym smell amazing!

 

A festive garland of peppermints made from small paper plates, red and green paint and lots of glitter...covered in cellophane and tied with curly ribbon, dressed up the sliding door to the outside patio.

 

Even the clock above the mat table got dressed in huge candies made from plastic containers covered with wrapping paper and tied with curly ribbon!

 

The completed tree. Every single ornament was hand made by one of my patients! Isn't it beautiful?

 

I won't soon forget this Christmas season. It sparkled and glowed, not just with ornaments, but smiles and giggles and laughter.

 

Thank you, my wonderful residents! For making my Christmas one to remember! Our rehab gym looks bare and empty now. But my heart, and hopefully yours too, is full of memories.

THAT is what Christmas is all about...

 

 

 

 

It is so simple. People make it SO complicated. The truth is? Jesus was a gift from God. It is up to you whether you will accept this gift. It is THAT simple. His gift. YOUR choice.

 

Merry Christmas, my friend.

Happy Birthday, my Jesus.

 

 

 



Christmas Blessings...

I was expecting a different sort of Christmas this year.

When it did not happen as I had expected it to, I began to feel sorry for myself. But God stepped in and showed me differently.

I have SO much to be thankful for this year. This time last year? It was all about survival. Keeping my family warm. Keeping my family fed. Hoping there would be enough and that I could make it through to spring and the warm weather.

Thank You, Father. For what You have blessed me with.

I am home in Arizona with my life.
A GREAT job.
Enough to share with others without worry for the future.
A beautiful, warm home.
A family, (albeit animal),  who loves me beyond anything I have ever known before.
Food in the fridge and in the cabinets.
Hay in the barn.
A GOOD and reliable vehicle.
Friends.
Good health.
My Bible and being able to read it any time I need.
A relationship with You that is real and vital and growing. Your love and forgiveness, Your mercy and grace...

I am grateful, Father. But I have one more request to ask of You.

My children, Father. Please. Whatever it may take. Bring them to the foot of the cross and into relationship with You. Love them for me. Where ever they are. Whatever they are doing. Draw them to You and keep them in the palm of Your hand. Now. And forever.

How many kings?

I have absolutely no heart and no energy to write anything inspiring or thoughtful these past days. My heart hurts so!

But there is something I need to remember and so I share it with you now....

 

He loves YOU, my friend. Find Him in that manger. Find Him on that cross. Find Him in your heart.

Merry Christmas



When your heart is broken...

Feline panleukopenia.

Ever heard of it? Yeah. Me either. But it is out there. Waiting. Waiting...............



I love cats. It has been many years since I went out and found a kitten and brought it home to be my squishy.

Oh I have barn cats. And I love them dearly. But in the past 27 years, I have only had ONE house cat that I actually walked out of my home, saw someone giving away kittens, looked in that box and fell instantly in love, picked that kitten up and brought it home to be part of my family. The other cats just happened..........someone threw them out of a car as they passed my barn. Someone had cats they could not keep so would I take them? Cats from a horse show that someone was taking to the pound if they could not find a home. The cat that just shows up in your feed room and keeps coming back because he knows you will feed him and take care of him. You know. My favorite breed of cat.........a rescue cat.

I lost my Toto cat in 2005. I had to have her put down because she was old and sick and hurting. I used to fall asleep to the sound of her purring in my ear, because she felt it was her job to tuck me in and purr me to sleep. To this day? I MISS that kind of love. I MISS that kind of bond. And I haven't had the heart to go find someone, another kitten, to take up where Toto left off.

Until November 19th. And then it happened all over again.

I looked in that dirty cat carrier and there she was. A tiny little wee kitten. Hungry. Scared. Dirty. And in a cat carrier with 2 other kittens, one that was almost dead, laying on his side and not able to move, but gasping and another less active kitten. She was absolutely the most precious thing I have ever seen. And so I brought her home. I did NOT want her to end up like that poor little kitten on the floor of that carrier.

 

After food, water and a bath, (she cleaned up pretty well), I called the vet and made an appointment for her to go in and have her shots. I estimated her to be about 3 weeks old. WAY too young to be away from mama! It was decided to wait a couple of weeks because she was too young for shots.

 

In the meantime, my little family welcomed this wee one and loved her. She was precocious and lively! Sweeter than the day was long and my heart was soon captivated as she climbed up to sleep in my lap each time I sat in my evening chair.

 

 

She loved Maximoose best of all and when it came to curling up to take a comfortable nap, no place was as wonderful as Maximooses' fluffy hair!

 

 

 

Max took her for HIS kitten and loved her right back!

 

 

Everyone loved little Scooter...

 

Rhett and Scooter

 

Scarlett and Scooter

 

Scooter loved playing and wrestling with Scarlett and Rhett's toys and a neighbor gave her a toy her own size to wrestle with too....

 

 

It happened so quickly. One day, Scoots was wrestling and the next she began to have diarrhea...she couldn't make it to the potty box. I isolated her to the hall bathroom, where it was easiest to clean her and the mess up. I kept the other animals away. I thought that first day that maybe it was just the change in diet that had her little system upset, but in the next day, the diarrhea got worse and on the 3rd, it became bloody. Worms...parasites, is what I and the neighbor thought.

 

So off to the vet we went. By the time I got her to the vet, her condition had worsened to the point that I hardly recognized the kitten as my little playful one. She looked and acted just like that kitten in the bottom of that dirty animal carrier that first day. And I knew. I KNEW, but I did not know what.

 

Feline panleukopenia................. it is also called Feline infectious enteritis. In layman's terms? Otherwise known as kitty parvovirus.

 

Here is what I know now.

 

It is FAST. It happens so quickly, that it is stunning and paralyzing in its quickness. Once contracted, it is highly contagious and can be fatal to the affected cat, or kitten, as the case may be.

 

The virus primarily attacks the lining of the gastrointestinal tract, causing internal and, ultimately, total sloughing of the intestinal epithelium. This results in profuse and usually bloody diarrhea, severe dehydration, malnutrition, anemia, and most often, death.

 

It causes a decrease in the cat's white blood cells, thus compromising its immune system. This predisposes them to secondary infections, especially bacterial and fungal, though secondary viral infections also occur with some frequency.

 

And my little Scooter had it. The prognosis was even worse.

 

Of affected kittens that are two months or less of age, 95% die regardless of treatment. Even WITH aggressive treatment that would include IV fluids for dehydration and antibiotics, she had only a 5% chance of survival. As Scooter's body temperature continued to drop, she could not stand up unsupported and clung to me, cuddling and seeking reassurance. Her chances were, as my vet told me, slim to none.

 

I HATE that. I HATE THAT!!! It isn't right! It isn't fair! She doesn't deserve this! And as I held her in my arms, she was hurting and fading, unable to hold her tiny head up, leaning on me for support.

 

And why?

 

Because some IDIOT didn't vaccinate or spay their female cat? Because even if this kitten didn't have it from her mother, he put her in the carrier with an affected kitten? WHY SCOOTER? Why the little one that we all loved?

 

Sometimes there are not answers. Simply hard decisions.

 

Our home is so quiet tonight. I have spent the last 24 hours, crying and cursing in turn, going through all the 'what ifs' and 'maybe if I had done THIS'.........

 

but the truth is, I and my family have been so blessed by this little one coming into our lives. And it occurred to me, as I questioned in my prayers last night, WHY.............for what reason did this happen?

 

But what would have happened to her, had I not taken her home?

 

 

Scooter was with us for such a short time, but in that time, she was fed. She was clean. She was warm and had toys and friends and most of all? SHE WAS LOVED. She had a family that adored her. She left this world, knowing that she was loved beyond anything she had ever known in those first 3 weeks of life.

 

Our lives and our hearts, although bereft just now, hold a treasure chest of memories of a tiny, wee, little kitten that totally captivated our hearts. And for that I am, and will always be, grateful. I am glad that I could be there for her, that I could hold her as she passed over and to assure her that she was not alone.

 

I miss her. There is a huge hole where my heart used to be.



 











Enjoying the unexpected beauty of a REAL Christmas tree

I have not shared all the photos of my tree, which although turned out way different than what I was intending, came out beautiful just the same!

In the beginning....

 

Added the Christmas star and waiting for the boughs to relax

 

Adding the ribbon and picks to hide the huge holes that have developed now that the boughs relaxed!

 

Once the tree settled and the boughs relaxed, I had MAJOR holes in the shape! So I made these funky Christmas Tree picks, along with huge bows of purple and gold to fill them in. Sort of like Dr Suess meets Queen Victoria!

 

 

Pink, purple and gold is what I chose. But I always add little white dove that I totally adore!

 

A pair of Christmas Angels, (paper ornament), along with a vintage Mr. Christmas stenciled ball.

 

White dove with a Tiny Tim Cratchet in the foreground. I bought 3 tiny boxes of Thomas Pacconi 2004 collector ornaments from EBay. I got 'A Christmas Carol', 'The Night Before Christmas' and 'The Nutcracker Suite'. I love them all, they are hand painted and simply adorable!

 

White dove and a lovely crystal snowflake

 

I love the burnished gold ribbon paired with hot pink and purple. The ribbon picks up the pinks incredibly!

 

One simply cannot have a tree without a cherub singing praises to the Lord Jesus!

 

Who needs Silver Bells when you can opt to have HOT Pink Bells?

 

I love how the crystal snowflake picks up whatever color it is next to!

 

White dove on a frosted branch...

 

A little brush from an Angels' wings...

 

Paper ornaments are always a favorite of mine...so Victorian.

 

Ornaments on but no tree skirt yet........ :0(

 

TADA! Finito! A little whimsy, a little Victoriana, and LOTS of ribbon and Christmas tree picks!

 

I love my tree, even if it was not what I had originally decided to do. Sometimes you just have to go where your heart is leading you and when you see something that you love, GET IT and USE IT. It comes out even better than you thought it would. This tree is totally ME.

 

I am not sure I will be doing a live Christmas tree next year. I love the scent, but this watering it every morning and every evening? Totally too much trouble!

 

Merry Christmas!