Abracadabra!!!

And just like that I have internet.

I have only been waiting for a year and a half! So glad to be back online again and have the ability to write whenever the urge hits me.

So much has happened and I cannot wait to begin the next leg of my journey in life and document it as I go.

Good grief! What did we DO before internet?!?!?!

A Season of Sorrows.....

 

It is a truth, acknowledged by most philosophers, that life is only a series of seasons. Even the book of Ecclesiastes will tell you that there is an appointed time for every event under heaven. A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to give birth, and a time to die. (Chapter 3)

The year of 2017.

For me, this year has been a season of sorrows. I wish it could be different. I know that death is just a part of life. A season of closure that when once passed, finds life continues on with regular monotony. The aftermath of healing. If you can.....before the next tragedy hits.

My sweet Siri` passed away. Tuesday, August 8, 2017.  

 

 

My precious Elmo passed away. Wednesday, July 26, 2017.

 

 

And my loving and loyal Rhett passed away. Saturday, January 07, 2017.

 

 

I hate death! I will be so glad, when on that final day, God in His glory and His power and His might, will hurl death and hades into the lake of eternal fire and it will be no more!

Oh how I long for rest in the arms of Jesus! How I envy my sweet, precious ones who are there already! How happy I am for them that the time of weary, trying illness is over and that for ever and for eternity, they are safe and pain free and filled with wonder and joy and love and happiness! But my heart aches and I find tears are easily found upon my face. Sometimes I find myself just sitting and staring into space as time slowly marches on. I am empty in these times. Knowing I have to continue my work even though so much of my heart, a little piece at a time wings its way from my chest to sit on high with Jesus. I know what is left of my heart is still beating. I can feel it. But how is that possible? How is it possible when what my heart beats for is gone? It is difficult to remain when there are more family members in heaven than here with me on earth.

I have learned so much in this horrid and wicked season of long and debilitating illness and death. Decisions...good and bad, timing, choices, hope and prayers, dashed dreams of healing and finally realizing that my trying to help was only causing suffering, the trust and the understanding love seen in their eyes as they struggle to stay for me so I won't be sad. Their brave fight to try to save me pain. And the difficult decision to let them go when it is clear there is nothing more that I can do....the pain of suffering and loss.

Late at night, in the quiet and through my tears, I can hear Jesus telling me to not grieve as those who have no hope and I AM grateful........SO grateful that I was chosen to care for these innocents in their short time here on earth. I am grateful they are no longer hurting. I am grateful that all the things that make me happy will be there waiting when my work is through here on earth and I too, can join them in heaven! I hope and I pray that my job in heaven will be taking care of these lovely souls, whom I love so much.

I hope and pray that I can hold on to the good memories until I arrive there...that time will not steal these precious remembrances from me.

I hope and pray that I will be able to see my family again and feel the rasp of their tongues, the swishing of their happy tails, the soft look of love in their eyes and the feel of velvet muzzles in my hand.

I hope and pray that heaven is as beautiful as what I have seen in my dreams.

I hope.....and I pray.

Here we go again....

Siri`, my sweet little Norwegian Fjord is back on antibiotics. Or at least she will be once they are compounded and I pick them up at the vet's office. She has severe ulcerative cystitis, a whopping bladder infection and a urinary tract infection as well. I started adding electrolytes to her food to get her to drink more water. I hope she heals quickly. I hate to see her hurting.

 

I finished the temporary shade in her pen for her last night. I hate to do anything temporary, but I don't think she can wait until the barn is completed. And THAT is going to take more time than I estimated. I am still transplanting cactus from the site and have bulldozed a good bazillion cholla under, so I am still pulling that out as well. At least I can use this shade in the turnouts when done with its current purpose.

This morning, after a fretful night of Siri` watching, I came down to see tufts of white/gray hair all over her pen. I was like....what the hay???

But then I noticed on the posts, (all 4 of them), about Siri` horse butt high, dust spots. Siri` has been using them to scratch her behind! I think I will go to the dollar store and buy about 30 stiff scrub brushes and attach them to the posts. That was she can groom herself and I can get rid of the hair...

Please pray for my sweet Siri`. She is really enjoying the students and I hate like heck to have her out of commission when her set of little ones come for their lessons. They all love her so!

Well how about that???

Yes. I am still alive.

Lots'o work and not much play.

Hopefully write another day!

Blah blah blah blah blah

Ever have one of those days where you just don't feel like doing anything at all?!

How about having one of those weeks? Or even how about having one of those months? Or maybe how about having one of those years?

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist coming up. But this appointment isn't until April 29th! I am not sure I'm going to make it that long!

It takes a strong woman to make it through menopause. But making it through menopause when you have no thyroid is even worse! And I hate going to a new doctor. Because every time I do, they take one look at my thyroid profile and say "WEll it looks like your thyroid.picked up function!  SO we're going to have to decrease your thyroid medication! "

Did you even read my medical chart?!? When you have had cancer of the thyroid and they take the entire thing out, it kind of means that you don't have a thyroid that can pick up function!

But I have to go because for this last year, I have been so tired it is difficult to put one foot in front of the other. And that means? Everyone suffers. Not just me. But my animals. My horses, my dogs, my goats, my cats, my birds, my chickens, and whatever else I have living in this ark with me.

Not sure how I'm going to make it through this day,especially since I gave up Dr Pepper!!!

Hippity Hoppity

Yes. I DO know that is only just after Valentine's Day.

 

But we are donating Easter Baskets to a local pre-school and if we are going to have all of them done, we needed to get started now! My patients are SO awesome! They have pitched in their talents to make these WONDERFUL baskets! So here are some pics of the first batch!

The "Frozen" Easter Basket

The "Tangled" Easter Basket

                          The "Tangled" and the "Tinker Bell"

I cannot wait to see and post the next batch! In the mean time, Happy Easter thoughts to you!

Ashes to ashes.......

Life is unsettling right now. There is still a hole in my heart, my routine and my home. We all miss Rhett.

 

Although I was able to take Rhett's collar away from Scarlett, she inevitably grabbed the last toy he had been carrying around before that fateful day and the trip to the vet that forever changed our lives. I have not the heart to take it from her. She needs her time to grieve as well.

 

I am worried. For Scarlett, lest she does not recover and I lose her too. I thought about getting a puppy for her, after all, she was the one who trained Rhett and she did such a marvelous job! But she is not as young and I fear for her energy and safety. Labradors are notoriously rambunctious in their first 2 years. I am not sure she can handle that.

 

I picked up Rhett's ashes yesterday on my way home. They had been waiting for me for some time, but I just did not want to go there and get them. My heart just did not want that finalization. The reality of the fact becoming absolutely real, that he was truly gone and that forever I would turn and he would forever not be there.

 

I came home with the package and sat it on the ottoman to open it. Poor Scarlett. I never even thought that Rhett's scent would be present, but she sat by that ottoman and sniffed that box that contained Rhett and licked the box. I cried and held her and we grieved together. Whoever tells you that dogs do not have souls and do not understand........well. They have no idea what they are talking about.

 

The box is carved mahogany with a lovely brass plaque that bears his name. They sent a beautiful card and some wildflowers to plant in his memory. Nothing is the same without my joyful Rhett. I pray I can get Scarlett through this time of grief. Right now I simply could not handle losing her also.

 

Ashes to ashes. It is done.

 

 

 Captain Rhett Butler

May 2005-January 2017