Promises, promises, PROMISES

I have had a difficult time these past few months in keeping up with my life. Whomever said that life is what you make of it, spoke the absolute truth.

I came here from Colorado with hopes and dreams to be fulfilled and while I see so much of that coming true, I still face disappointments such as we all do. The grass is INDEED greener here for me here but recently I sort of.....uuuummmmm....scorched some grass.

I signed with a certain rehab company and it was a wonderful deal for me. It got me to Arizona, although 3 of my horses and my goats remain in Colorado waiting for me to come and get them. But with the job that I have currently had any sort of outside of work life has been pretty much obliterated. And I like BALANCE.

If I come home from work and am SO stressed that I spend the rest of the time either A: soaking in a bathtub trying to unwind or B: sitting in front of Pinterest so I can do something mindless and unwind or C: eat everything in site to relieve the stress, SOMETHING is not right. When I get up in the morning and find myself getting to work later and even later because I dread going in? It needs to change.

I have HORSES for crying out loud! I should be loving on them and riding them on a regular basis! I don't even COOK any more because I am too stressed to actually plan a meal.

So I started praying about all of this and all I have to say is...be careful for what you pray for. I prayed that God would allow me to see if what I had chosen was where I should be. And? Through various situations that literally slapped me in the face, I began to rethink. Every time something happened, I'd get enraged (inside), calm down, (inside) and think..."oh it isn't THAT bad"(inside).

But you know what? IT REALLY WAS THAT BAD.

So I thought..."I'll see what my options are in the job market around here" and before I even finished that thought, (honestly), I was presented with a new position. WITHOUT LOSING ANYTHING BENEFIT WISE. Only God can do those sort of things! I decided that I would give the expected 30 day notice (typical for therapists), but before I could do that another situation occurred that made me rethink and think that maybe 2 weeks would be a better thing. Before THAT could happen, 2 MORE incidents occurred that made me say, "Know what? I can't do even that.

Right now? I am happy with where I work. This week was an absolute delight and I remember why I got into being a rehab therapist in the first place. To HELP people recover. My patients are not just numbers. They have names. And lives they want to return to. They have my respect and my attention and if I need to spend extra time with them, I can because I am not SO overloaded with people who cannot tolerate 72 or 120 minutes of therapy, but have to be seen to make those numbers. I have missed this.

I hate like heck to not be able to keep my promise to my former company, but enough is enough. Life is about more than numbers. And sometimes you have to stand for what you believe in, regardless of the cost.

Which for me, in this situation, was absolutely nothing because my Father stood in the gap and kept me safe.

I wish it happened like this all the time. But now? I can have a life OUTSIDE of work because I am not hiding in the bathtub. I am however still spending an inordinate amount of time on Pinterest.

Oh well. One cannot have everything, eh?!

cate