It is a truth, acknowledged by most
philosophers, that life is only a series of seasons. Even the book of
Ecclesiastes will tell you that there is an appointed time for every
event under heaven. A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to
mourn, and a time to dance. A time to give birth, and a time to die.
(Chapter 3)
The year of 2017.
For me, this year has been a season of
sorrows. I wish it could be different. I know that death is just a
part of life. A season of closure that when once passed, finds life
continues on with regular monotony. The aftermath of healing. If you
can.....before the next tragedy hits.
My sweet Siri` passed away. Tuesday,
August 8, 2017.
My precious Elmo passed away.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017.
And my loving and loyal Rhett passed
away. Saturday, January 07, 2017.
I hate death! I will be so glad,
when on that final day, God in His glory and His power and His might,
will hurl death and hades into the lake of eternal fire and it will
be no more!
Oh how I long for rest in the arms of
Jesus! How I envy my sweet, precious ones who are there already! How
happy I am for them that the time of weary, trying illness is over
and that for ever and for eternity, they are safe and pain free and
filled with wonder and joy and love and happiness! But my heart aches
and I find tears are easily found upon my face. Sometimes I find
myself just sitting and staring into space as time slowly marches on.
I am empty in these times. Knowing I have to continue my work even
though so much of my heart, a little piece at a time wings its way
from my chest to sit on high with Jesus. I know what is left of my
heart is still beating. I can feel it. But how is that possible? How
is it possible when what my heart beats for is gone? It is difficult
to remain when there are more family members in heaven than here with
me on earth.
I have learned so much in this horrid
and wicked season of long and debilitating illness and death.
Decisions...good and bad, timing, choices, hope and prayers, dashed
dreams of healing and finally realizing that my trying to help was
only causing suffering, the trust and the understanding love seen in
their eyes as they struggle to stay for me so I won't be sad. Their
brave fight to try to save me pain. And the difficult decision to let
them go when it is clear there is nothing more that I can do....the
pain of suffering and loss.
Late at night, in the quiet and through
my tears, I can hear Jesus telling me to not grieve as those who have
no hope and I AM grateful........SO grateful that I was chosen to
care for these innocents in their short time here on earth. I am
grateful they are no longer hurting. I am grateful that all
the things that make me happy will be there waiting when my work is
through here on earth and I too, can join them in heaven! I hope and
I pray that my job in heaven will be taking care of these lovely
souls, whom I love so much.
I hope and pray that I can hold on to
the good memories until I arrive there...that time will not steal
these precious remembrances from me.
I hope and pray that I will be able to
see my family again and feel the rasp of their tongues, the swishing
of their happy tails, the soft look of love in their eyes and the
feel of velvet muzzles in my hand.
I hope and pray that heaven is as
beautiful as what I have seen in my dreams.
I hope.....and I pray.
